Remember I was talking about how I needed to make some money. Well, one Tuesday last month I went to LDS Employment and started looking for a job. It didn't look like there was much out there. I talked to a couple of the workers and I told one man I thought it would be fun to work for the census, but he said it was almost over. Then, after awhile I realized I hadn't told the woman helping me I could speak Spanish. As I was looking through a book with job listings, wondering if they were all filled anyway and I was wasting my time, the woman brought me a paper. It was a temporary position working as a Spanish Speaking Customer Service Representative. The pay was $15.78 hr. I felt excited and it seemed like this was meant for me. I went home and called and by the next day I was talking to a guy on the phone who told me they need me and asked if I could come in right away. My husband was home taking a nap with our two year old. It felt unreal as I was driving to the place - leaving all my children at home. I've been home with them for 11 years now. Hardly ever even get away from home. Now I'm planning to be gone a lot. I didn't feel very happy. My husband asked if I was nervous. I said I was just nervous to be away from the kids.
Well, I was hired and have been working for three weeks now. Today is my last day. It seems like it was meant to be since the first week my parents were here to help watch the kids and the following two weeks my husband was on vacation. I was excited to let my husband see what it's like to be a stay home mom. After three weeks I think we both have a better appreciation of eachother. The time at work seemed much easier to me than being home, but after work I felt rushed, tired and unmotivated to do all the things I felt like I needed to do.
The part that makes me both happy and sad is the other night in the night my two year old cried out, "Daddy". My husband said they've gotten really close which I'm thankful for, but I'm used to being #1. Every day when I get ready to go to work, Jared will say, "Mommy!" and motion for me to lay down with him in my bed. It's so sweet and I hate to leave. I decided that since we women spend so many days of so many years miserable because of our capacity to bear children and it's prerequisites, we go through the pains of pregnancy and birth, we nurse, we love to a degree than cannot be compared that WE deserve to be the ones to stay home while the fathers provide us with the things we need. Some may think this is old fashioned, I think it has always been and will always be the truth. Of course, I understand it's not always possible, and life isn't always fair, but if it's possible I believe God sent me my children for ME to take care of and raise, with my husband - not some stranger who you could never pay enough to love and really care for what's best for that child.
I know this isn't the end of what I'm going to have to do to help us make it, and I don't mind working, but I hope I can still figure out something that allows me to be close to home doing what I believe matters most.
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