Oh My what a morning. Day 2 of babysitting. This morning his mom ensured me that today he should be much more mellow since he was really tired and didn't get much sleep. I was hopeful, but doubtful. I just thought it can't be worse than yesterday.
When they first came in he went straight outside. He was playing with the remaining water left in the hose since I had turned if off to prevent a repeat of yesterdays soaking. I watched as he contentedly sipped water from the hose and went to finish the dishes.
Next time I looked outside he was sitting buck naked in our little kiddie pool with one inch of water. I told him he had to get his clothes on and he refused. He also refused to get out of the pool. So I mustered up my strength and carried him again kicking and screaming into the house - this time naked kicking and screaming. Wonderful!
He refused to dress so I tried to dress him by force in which he kicked ripping a big rip in his underwear. We tried a time out which just resulted in more naked kicking and screaming and then I asked his little sister, "Does he do this at home?".
"Yes". "A lot?" "Yes". "What does your mom do when he does this?". "She just puts him in his room to calm down while he plays with his magnadoodle". I thought, that's a good idea. I put him in my sons room holding the door shut just until the major screaming had stopped and left him there. Five minutes later he comes down calm and dressed in my sons clothes. I was happy.
The rest of the morning involved one refusal after another. We went to my parents house to let them play in the backyard which was great. They have a dream yard for kids. The jumped on the tramp while I picked strawberries. He ran inside and I picked for a few minutes more - mistake. When I came in I saw he had gone downstairs where I told him not to and he had emptied out a container of my Mom's Christmas stuff.
I carried him out to the car, strapped him in, he escaped, carried him again, locked the doors and took off. This time almost in tears, saying to myself I can't do this. I feel so bad, but I really can't watch someone who is that demanding. His mom said he's high functioning autism. That's not what I call high functioning. Poor guy. Change can be so difficult for them.
His mom just called and asked how things are doing. I told her it's been really bad and I really can't do this. She was really understanding and said she would find someone for tomorrow. I'm sure she's had to do that many times. I will pray for her and them. I wish I could do it, but I can't.
Right now he's naked again out in the pool and I decided I'm not going to fight it. I'm exhausted and my forearms hurt. And I don't want another naked wrestling match.
Life is going to seem boring with just my four kids after this - or very peaceful.
How does a single working mother of a child like that do it?
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Blessing or blessing in disguise?
The last 24 hours have been very eye opening. I started watching the two new kids today. I found out how different kids with autism can be. My autistic son is probably the best behaved kid I have. He's very obedient and doesn't like to cause trouble - and as his teacher said, "is as good as can be".
Today I learned that this boy won't take no for an answer. I had to carry him kicking and screaming into the bathroom to wash his hands after using the bathroom. I was suprised to find the toilet paper was out and replaced the roll. Later I came in and discovered he had half of the new roll down in the toilet - but he willingly and happily washed his hands.
We visited my garden where he found the hose entertaining. I came back a minute later to check on him and found him soaked wet from head to toe, but he was happy. So I turned down the water pressure and let him drink and spray himself for awhile.
His sister was very sweet. So cute and fun that my 2 year old decided he would skip his nap today. He had a great time with her - laughing and chasing her like such a big boy. I was planning on his nap but decided it would be nice if he went to bed at a normal time for once.
My husband and oldest son were shaking their head and wondering what I got myself into. So was I! But I know it's his first day and he was also very sweet much of the time. My concern is if he requires all my attention that everyone else will lose out. I'm trying again tommorrow! I was honest with the mom about his behavior and my concerns, but I feel for her. I would really like it to work out. I said to my husband, "He needs a place to be too". I would feel so awful to turn him away.
After their mom picked them up I took three of my kids out for a walk. It was such a beautiful night and felt so peaceful after today. As I was heading home I saw growing in a crack on the side of the road a little yellow snapdragon flower. I've always loved snap dragons. As a little girl I thought they smelled like smarties. I pulled on it and the whole plant, root and all, came out. I felt like I received a gift and was excited to try to plant it at home.
As I continued walking I thought of the phrase, "the tender mercies of the Lord". I realized this flower that I love was the Lord showing his tender mercies to me at a time he knew I could use it.
Then my daughter and I saw the first star in the sky and I made a wish. I wished that I would keep the boy if I was suppose to. Then right as I walked up to the house my two year old fell asleep. A pretty good ending to a rough day.
Today I learned that this boy won't take no for an answer. I had to carry him kicking and screaming into the bathroom to wash his hands after using the bathroom. I was suprised to find the toilet paper was out and replaced the roll. Later I came in and discovered he had half of the new roll down in the toilet - but he willingly and happily washed his hands.
We visited my garden where he found the hose entertaining. I came back a minute later to check on him and found him soaked wet from head to toe, but he was happy. So I turned down the water pressure and let him drink and spray himself for awhile.
His sister was very sweet. So cute and fun that my 2 year old decided he would skip his nap today. He had a great time with her - laughing and chasing her like such a big boy. I was planning on his nap but decided it would be nice if he went to bed at a normal time for once.
My husband and oldest son were shaking their head and wondering what I got myself into. So was I! But I know it's his first day and he was also very sweet much of the time. My concern is if he requires all my attention that everyone else will lose out. I'm trying again tommorrow! I was honest with the mom about his behavior and my concerns, but I feel for her. I would really like it to work out. I said to my husband, "He needs a place to be too". I would feel so awful to turn him away.
After their mom picked them up I took three of my kids out for a walk. It was such a beautiful night and felt so peaceful after today. As I was heading home I saw growing in a crack on the side of the road a little yellow snapdragon flower. I've always loved snap dragons. As a little girl I thought they smelled like smarties. I pulled on it and the whole plant, root and all, came out. I felt like I received a gift and was excited to try to plant it at home.
As I continued walking I thought of the phrase, "the tender mercies of the Lord". I realized this flower that I love was the Lord showing his tender mercies to me at a time he knew I could use it.
Then my daughter and I saw the first star in the sky and I made a wish. I wished that I would keep the boy if I was suppose to. Then right as I walked up to the house my two year old fell asleep. A pretty good ending to a rough day.
Sometimes life throws you a curve ball - you don't see it coming at all. Have you ever been having a wonderful day and life seems so good then out of nowhere something is said or something is done that sends your whole world crashing down? You are not the same. Everything you feel and think is different. You wonder how much of your life is a lie. The dark and stormy clouds come in and that's all you can see for the moment. It makes me realize the power of our words, our actions, our choices. How quickly trust can be damaged or destroyed.
But I quess we have to beleive things can be good again. None of us are perfect. Only love can bring happiness back and peace back. But sometimes you need time to feel that love again and to show it.
We all walk around with a secret wound, sometimes even hidden to our own eyes. Those wounds need to be bravely discovered, tenderly cared for, maybe sometimes painfully lanced, so they can heal and we can be whole and live life fully and painfree. Otherwise when the pain is too great and we can't see straight we might hurt others, often those we love and lose what matters most to us - trust and love.
But I quess we have to beleive things can be good again. None of us are perfect. Only love can bring happiness back and peace back. But sometimes you need time to feel that love again and to show it.
We all walk around with a secret wound, sometimes even hidden to our own eyes. Those wounds need to be bravely discovered, tenderly cared for, maybe sometimes painfully lanced, so they can heal and we can be whole and live life fully and painfree. Otherwise when the pain is too great and we can't see straight we might hurt others, often those we love and lose what matters most to us - trust and love.
Monday, June 28, 2010
The Art Spirit
Since I love art and want to be an artist I've been reading "The Art Spirit" by Robert Henri, which an artist recommended to me. It's been a pretty difficult book to follow. At times it makes me wonder if I could ever be a good artist since his advice seems so incredibly complicated. But I've enjoyed the many profound statements he's made and they are really making an impact on me. One that I read this morning made sense to me. He said, "Perhaps mental inactivity is the most fatiguing thing in the world". As I read this it became really clear to me the truth of it. I've wondered so often why I'm so tired. Then I look back and remember the different kind of tired I was when I was in college. I loved learning every day, stretching my mind to exhaustion sometimes. There was such a feeling of satisfaction and joy.
I thought of a statement my Doctor made about how most women, especially stay home moms complain about being very tired all the time I realize how mental inactivity probably applies. I know as a mom my mind stays very occupied on the myriad of things I need to do - it often seems like my mind never gets to rest or think deeply about anything. That's why it's such a glorious time to lay in bed at night when everyone is finally asleep and have the freedom to think about whatever I want to think about. The business of mind most moms experience is not the same as learning something that requires deep thought and attention. I am always happier when I take some time in my day to read or study or paint. I feel so much more energy and excitement for life.
Another statement that Robert Henri made that I loved is, "It is a big job to know oneself...The only men who are interesting to themselves and to others are those who have been willing to meet themselves squarely. The works of the masters are what they are because they are evidences from men who dared to be like themselves. It cost most of them dearly, but it was worthwhile. They were interesting to themselves, and now they are interesting to us". How many people do you know who are truly themselves? Wouldn't it be wonderful if we all were? So much of what we do is often to please others. What is your passion? What do you love?
I've been noticing lately as I've been reading the Art Spirit and trying to develop an artistic spirit how many more moments of "awe" I'm experiencing - an incredible moment where the shapes an colors of the light and shadows up the street caught my eye, as I was playing outside with the kids. Even my 11 year old son felt it as I pointed and said, "Look!" He said, "Wow!" No other words needed to be said. Look for the magical in your life. Instead of walking around like a zombie which we often do open yourself up to the wonder around you like a little child.
Last night I prayed and prayed that God would hear my prayer and help me find a way to make some money to pay the bills. This morning I got a phone call from a woman looking for day care. She has two kids - a six year old girl and an 8 year old boy with autism. I felt goosebumps as we talked and came to know they attend the same school as my kids. Having a son with autism myself I feel a deep tenderness for those sweet little kids and a reverence for them and what they go through in life. I feel that the Lord heard my prayer and probably hers too.
Life is incredible! Especially when we see the Lord's hands in so many of the details. He has really given us everything we need to live a life of deep joy, peace and love. We need to recognize it and appreciate it and praise Him for it.
I thought of a statement my Doctor made about how most women, especially stay home moms complain about being very tired all the time I realize how mental inactivity probably applies. I know as a mom my mind stays very occupied on the myriad of things I need to do - it often seems like my mind never gets to rest or think deeply about anything. That's why it's such a glorious time to lay in bed at night when everyone is finally asleep and have the freedom to think about whatever I want to think about. The business of mind most moms experience is not the same as learning something that requires deep thought and attention. I am always happier when I take some time in my day to read or study or paint. I feel so much more energy and excitement for life.
Another statement that Robert Henri made that I loved is, "It is a big job to know oneself...The only men who are interesting to themselves and to others are those who have been willing to meet themselves squarely. The works of the masters are what they are because they are evidences from men who dared to be like themselves. It cost most of them dearly, but it was worthwhile. They were interesting to themselves, and now they are interesting to us". How many people do you know who are truly themselves? Wouldn't it be wonderful if we all were? So much of what we do is often to please others. What is your passion? What do you love?
I've been noticing lately as I've been reading the Art Spirit and trying to develop an artistic spirit how many more moments of "awe" I'm experiencing - an incredible moment where the shapes an colors of the light and shadows up the street caught my eye, as I was playing outside with the kids. Even my 11 year old son felt it as I pointed and said, "Look!" He said, "Wow!" No other words needed to be said. Look for the magical in your life. Instead of walking around like a zombie which we often do open yourself up to the wonder around you like a little child.
Last night I prayed and prayed that God would hear my prayer and help me find a way to make some money to pay the bills. This morning I got a phone call from a woman looking for day care. She has two kids - a six year old girl and an 8 year old boy with autism. I felt goosebumps as we talked and came to know they attend the same school as my kids. Having a son with autism myself I feel a deep tenderness for those sweet little kids and a reverence for them and what they go through in life. I feel that the Lord heard my prayer and probably hers too.
Life is incredible! Especially when we see the Lord's hands in so many of the details. He has really given us everything we need to live a life of deep joy, peace and love. We need to recognize it and appreciate it and praise Him for it.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Making things Clear
I love being able to go to church and feel renewed and gain a better perspective of life and my place in it. Learning from the scriptures and the examples in them, their trials and challenges, I leave feeling more hope and determination to make a better life for me and my family. My life doesn't seem so bad.
Lately, I've felt so much the seriousness of my role as a mother. I want so much to prepare and strengthen my children to face whatever they will face in life. I want them to have confidence in themselves. I want them to really believe in the power of prayer and the love of their Father in Heaven for them. I want them to know I believe in them and that they should find their dreams and pursue them. We all have a purpose and make a difference in this world. "This above all to thine own self be true". I think that's something very difficult to do and that very few people really stay true to themselves. I try to tell my 11 year old son that I know how it feels to want to be accepted and try to fit in, but it's even more important to feel good about who you are and knowing that your life is pleasing to God.
I was talking to a good friend of mine about how we so often feel like as mothers we are not doing enough. As mothers our hearts are so full of hopes and dreams. Dreams of a perfectly clean and orderly home, children developing their talents and using their time wisely, and loveable and peaceable conversations taking place all day. But reality is so far from that dream. Our plans for life that we imagine flowing easily are always shattered and interupted by the unexpected events - sickness, accidents, fights among family members, etc... So many times when I've felt excited about something big I plan to do the next day I end up not getting any sleep because of the sickness of a child and I wake up totally exhausted and unmotivated.
I know their is much we can do to make a difference, but I also know Satan is real and he always tries to discourage us and make us feel we'll never be enough. We're only expected to do the best we can. We need to keep a clear perspective of what's important in life and weed out all the useless things that take nourishment away from what really matters. The scriptures and the Spirit can help make those things really clear - and it's not the things that money can buy but things we can take with us when this life is over - family relationships, experiences from serving, knowledge, peace, talents, joy, and a closeness to Heavenly Father.
So I will continue to try each day to make things more clear for me and my family.
Lately, I've felt so much the seriousness of my role as a mother. I want so much to prepare and strengthen my children to face whatever they will face in life. I want them to have confidence in themselves. I want them to really believe in the power of prayer and the love of their Father in Heaven for them. I want them to know I believe in them and that they should find their dreams and pursue them. We all have a purpose and make a difference in this world. "This above all to thine own self be true". I think that's something very difficult to do and that very few people really stay true to themselves. I try to tell my 11 year old son that I know how it feels to want to be accepted and try to fit in, but it's even more important to feel good about who you are and knowing that your life is pleasing to God.
I was talking to a good friend of mine about how we so often feel like as mothers we are not doing enough. As mothers our hearts are so full of hopes and dreams. Dreams of a perfectly clean and orderly home, children developing their talents and using their time wisely, and loveable and peaceable conversations taking place all day. But reality is so far from that dream. Our plans for life that we imagine flowing easily are always shattered and interupted by the unexpected events - sickness, accidents, fights among family members, etc... So many times when I've felt excited about something big I plan to do the next day I end up not getting any sleep because of the sickness of a child and I wake up totally exhausted and unmotivated.
I know their is much we can do to make a difference, but I also know Satan is real and he always tries to discourage us and make us feel we'll never be enough. We're only expected to do the best we can. We need to keep a clear perspective of what's important in life and weed out all the useless things that take nourishment away from what really matters. The scriptures and the Spirit can help make those things really clear - and it's not the things that money can buy but things we can take with us when this life is over - family relationships, experiences from serving, knowledge, peace, talents, joy, and a closeness to Heavenly Father.
So I will continue to try each day to make things more clear for me and my family.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Doubt not, Fear not
This morning I woke up early determined to have a little quiet time by myself to work on my painting. As I headed downstairs I realized my 9 and 11 year old boys had beat me to it. They were laughing and playing on the computer - so much for quiet time. So I decided to go get my walk in for the day before it gets to hot and I'll try to paint later when my 2 year old naps.
As I went for a walk I really enjoyed the crisp morning air. My 9 year old is such a sweet boy. I love to take him for a walk with me to get him out of the house. I was noticing yesterday as I went for a walk how pessimistic I've been. I've been struggling for so long with my weight and being worried about money and trying to figure out how to make more money. I'm 46, a mother of four children the youngest 2 years old. I have a college degree but I feel so strongly that I need to be home with my youngest children that my only option seems to be child care. It's not what I dream of doing but it could allow my my dream of being home with my children.
I don't believe that God sent me these children to have someone else raise them. So, I realize I need a change of attitude. The scriptures say, "Doubt not, fear not, but be believing..." I have been so full of doubt and fear that I haven't felt much peace for a long time. Today I decided I'm going to try to live this day without doubt, without fear and believing that Heavenly Father wants me to be happy and will help me reach the dreams He's planted in my heart.
So doubt not, fear not!
As I went for a walk I really enjoyed the crisp morning air. My 9 year old is such a sweet boy. I love to take him for a walk with me to get him out of the house. I was noticing yesterday as I went for a walk how pessimistic I've been. I've been struggling for so long with my weight and being worried about money and trying to figure out how to make more money. I'm 46, a mother of four children the youngest 2 years old. I have a college degree but I feel so strongly that I need to be home with my youngest children that my only option seems to be child care. It's not what I dream of doing but it could allow my my dream of being home with my children.
I don't believe that God sent me these children to have someone else raise them. So, I realize I need a change of attitude. The scriptures say, "Doubt not, fear not, but be believing..." I have been so full of doubt and fear that I haven't felt much peace for a long time. Today I decided I'm going to try to live this day without doubt, without fear and believing that Heavenly Father wants me to be happy and will help me reach the dreams He's planted in my heart.
So doubt not, fear not!
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Summer
Four kids at home for summer break. Loving the time with them but trying to find a little time to paint. I've done a lot of quick little sketches, like while waiting in the car with two of the kids while my husband was in Wal Mart or right before bed, but it's not cutting it. I need to paint!
I admire so many of the paintings I see on facebook. I'd recommend looking up Brian Neher. He has a huge library of incredible paintings. He has introduced me to so many great artists of the past. I promise you'll love them.
I admire so many of the paintings I see on facebook. I'd recommend looking up Brian Neher. He has a huge library of incredible paintings. He has introduced me to so many great artists of the past. I promise you'll love them.
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