Loving Fall and Trusting in the Lord

Life has been really wonderful lately. It's funny that I'm saying that but it's true. Financially it's been the hardest time we've ever been through, but the incredible experiences we've had by learning to daily trust in the Lord have actually made life peaceful and hopeful in the journey.

We've been making every effort to get out of debt. I cut up my credit card and hid my husbands and it's been almost four months now without charging a thing. Even though there's times where we wonder how we're going to make it - we do. Instead of panicking and beleiving we have to use credit, I say a prayer and wait. We've had so many experiences where we see the Lord come through for us. It makes life very exciting to know that He really is there and is taking care of us. Some day I'll go into more detail, but for example today we're out of milk, which is always the point where we almost panic. But, two nights ago a friend asked if I could babysit this morning. I realized it was just in time where we would need some more food.

It may sound scary, but I've found it to be an exciting adventure - waiting to see what comes next. Part of this test is because we decided to faithfully pay tithing even though we didn't know how we would make it. It seemed impossible. But taking that step of faith in the dark is leading to many blessings. Bob, got a second job at Costco. They had told him if he didn't hear back in a couple weeks he didn't get it. We paid our tithing and a month later he was called back for a second interview. Then a third and now he's going to be starting in a week or so.

One of my dreams is to find an original painting at a steal and sell it for more. Last week that dream came true. I was given money for my birthday and within an hour I had a gorgeous painting in my hands for the same amount. I'm hoping to sell it for much more. Heavenly Father is so good. He's waiting to bless us. We were told to expect miracles when we faithfully pay tithing.

In Malachi 3:10 after saying that we are robbing God when we don't pay our tithing (which means 10% of our income) it states, "Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it".

I know this is true. I've had a testimony of tithing my whole life. I'm so thankful to see the rest of my family gain trust in the Lord and His promises. He has so many blessings he wants to give us. I know that someday when we look back on this time in our life it will be a holy time - we will see even more clearly the hand of the Lord and how life will become better than ever by trusting in Him.

We need to focus - not fear

The other day I was feeling overwhelmed as usual. So many things I wish I was doing and so little time to get it done. I realize this feeling of divine discontent, wishing everything was perfect, is a feeling which pushes us onward and upward. But I realize I need to focus, not fear.

I also realized the things that improve our lives and move us forward are the little things done repeatedly not big moments of glory. For instance, chosing a healthy snack, flossing your teeth, making a call or sending a letter, sharing something yummy with a friend, taking a walk, saying I love you, giving a hug, painting for 15 minutes, reading scriptures for a few minutes before bed. All these things don't take a lot of effort or time but done repeatedly make a big difference.

FOCUS! Focus on what's important to you and write it down. This is what I've been lacking. I get so caught up in the whirlwind of life that I don't remember the little daily steps I need to be taking to move toward my goals - and so I don't move forward and when things slow down I realize I'm not at all where I want to be.

I went to a Releif Society Retreat (women's group) at a cabin up in the mountains of Heber and a great woman, Eileen Lindsky, spoke about the importance of having goals and working a little every day on them. Write down something you want to improve on and decide what steps it will take to get there. Mine was to clear out of my home and life clutter that I don't need. To create more order and peace at home. I started to work on it daily and because I didn't have a reminder about it totally forgot about the goal. I think I need to create a goal board to look at daily.

I'm always a little jealous at women who seem to have it all together and I always feel so disorganized. One Sunday at church I needed a diaper to change Jared and I thought I had one but I didn't. A Sister joked and said, "No diaper in the diaper bag?" and it really made me realize how unprepared and disorganized I am. I need to work on that.

The other day I was trying to can pizza sauce and do something with all the tomatoes from my garden. I was talking to my mom and told her what I was doing and about a job I was thinking of trying and she said, "Right now, just finish canning your tomatoes and then work on the other things". I said, "Spoken like a woman who knows me". She replied, "Yes and a woman who is finally starting to know herself". I'm so thankful for a wise mother who knows me and encourages me to try to slow down and FOCUS.

So try to really think about what you want to do. And remember a goal unwritten is only a wish.

Gorgeous Days!

I love this time of year with the beautiful and cooler sunny days. These are the best days that slip by too quickly. My kids are loving school. I'm loving our new days with a schedule and a need to get the children in bed at a decent time. I think I really need schedules as well. Life feels more in order. The days are shorter, but not too short. Life is simply wonderful!

I've been painting and considering baking cupcakes to sell. I wish there were three of me or that I could be in three places at one time. I'd be the full-time mother - helping kids with homework, reading, working and playing together. A full-time artist - painting en plein air in the fields of the local towns, and portraits of all my friends and family. A full time baker - baking cupcakes, cookies, breads, scandinavian desserts and selling them to friends and families in the area. Maybe in heaven there are no time limitations. Maybe there you can do everything you want. I know here I still wish I could do everything and have a real hard time narrowing down what to do in my spare hour of each day.

My Mom always tells me how I've always wanted to do too much. I have too many ideas. But I'm happy. I'm never bored! I can never understand when people say they are bored. Speaking of never being bored. The kids are coming home now. Gotta go.

Gallery Stroll in Park City

Friday night my husband an I finally got a chance to go out together. We went to the Gallery stroll in Park City. It was raining, but warm so it was great. I love going from gallery to gallery. I love Scott Richardson's art at the . I found out he had just left two minutes earlier. His demo was still wet.

At the last gallery I was excited to find the painting I showed on my blog from the Springville Spring Salon. The artist is Douglas Aagard from Pason, Utah. His work is so amazing and vibrant. I got a chance to talk to him and his wife and was so encouraged to know that the only art education he had was about a year of watercolor classes. There's hope! He encouraged me to just keep painting. I felt so excited for the rest of the night. No more excuses. If he can do it why can't I? Thanks for the inspiration Douglas.

Take a look at one of his masterpieces. You can also see the rest of his work on his website

Restoring Honor

Yesterday was Glen Beck's Rally in Washington DC. It's theme was Restoring Honor. I hope to get another chance to hear the whole thing but I love so much of what was said and was so excited to hear so much talk of inviting people to believe in Christ. I wish I could have been there.

Something that I loved that Glen Beck said was that we need to be honest in all that we do and to have charity - especially in our homes. I think our home are the most difficult place to show charity sometimes, but it's also the most important place to do it. It's were our children learn if we're just talking about charity or really showing charity. Do we really want them to do what we're doing or just what we're telling them to do?

Even the smallest child can detect a hypocryte. Do we treat them with respect? Do we help them to love themselves? Do we keep our promises to them? Do we put on a church face on Sunday and take it off the minute we come home?

I know I'm guilty of these things at times and I want to be better. I want to be a true follower of Christ - no matter what the circumstance. I want to always speak softly and lovingly. To help others see the greatness in them and to see the greatness in myself.

A sister spoke in church today and she said that all of Heavenly Father's creations were perfect. He doesn't make mistakes. He created us just the way he wanted us to be, including our weaknesses. We know from the scriptures that He gives us weaknesses so that we will turn to Him for help and He will help us make them our strengths. We need Him and He wants to help us. I'm thankful that He loves me as I am. I know he planted in all of us dreams and desires to be more, to be better, not to be satisfied with our weaknesses. This desire pushes us forward and on to better things and a happier life - that is if Satan's tools: fear, laziness, pride and discouragement don't prevent us.

Loving Art

Painting oil paintings and having a toddler can be a bit of a challenge. The other day when I used a q-tip to remove a little paint that I didn't want he grabbed his own and began is own paint removal. I leave everything out in the open and have been pretty lucky at him leaving them alone.

I'm really enjoying Jared's appreciation of my art. He's only 2 and tells me pretty and the names of the people in the paintings. That's been great but he likes my current painting I'm working on so much that he's started to give them kisses. That's very sweet, but scary since it's an oil based paint and some of the colors have a health warning. After explaining that he can't kiss a wet painting, I showed him that he can blow kisses at it. So my sweet little Jared is loving my art and I feel wonderful.

Still waiting on my camera to show you my most recent paintings.

I Love School!

This week has been very exciting! The kids met their teachers on Monday and started school on Wednesday. No more sleeping in, but the structure is worth it.

The kids were so excited to start on Wednesday. I was glad to get quite a bit done early in the morning and then Jared and I went for a walk. It was such a beautiful morning and as we were walking a guy in his truck started to back up as we were walking but then noticed us. As soon as we crossed he backed out really fast and took off. What he didn't notice was that he hit a cat - I think it may have been sleeping under his truck. It was so awful. I wanted to see if I could help the cat but then I don't even want to describe what happened. It was so horrible. I turned the stroller around so that Jared wouldn't see, but he kept turning around to see.

I finally left and went back the other way. I told some neighbors a cat was hit and they thought they knew who the owners were. I started to cry. It ruined my first day of school mood. I realized that some kids were probably coming home from their first day of school to find out their cat was killed. All day Jared kept saying, "Kitty, ouie, nightnight". I felt even worse knowing he saw that.

I wondered why did that have to happen right in front of us. If we had been there 10 seconds earlier we wouldn't have seen anything. It's almost like we were meant to be there at that moment. But why? This has disturbed me since then.

Yesterday, I decided it would be good for us to just walk the same route again and see that everything is ok. When we reached the house where it happened their dog came after me, lunging and barking. This happened one time before and he doesn't give up easily. What the heck? I wondered if there's something evil about that house. Maybe I sound superstitious, but isn't that strange. Next time I'm bringing a stick - or mace would be nice.

But last night was great. It was 98 degrees yesterday. We went over to the creek and swam in the icey water. It was wonderful! That's our place to cool off and have fun for free. We've been going there a lot this summer. Next week is going to be cooling off, so it may be our last time this summer, but I love fall even more that summer, so I'm never sad when it's over. I love cool nights and bright colorful days. I'm so thankful for seasons. I think the Heavenly Father knew we needed change and different seasons to look forward to. To me it would be depressing to live somewhere where it's always the same weather. I get really tired of sun here in Utah. I love rain and clouds. Today we'll have a great thunder storm though. That's always exciting - especially if the power goes out.
Jared walks around saying, "boom! boom!" and his mouth drops open when he hears one. We all laugh!

Have a great stormy day. I have to paint a little before Jared wakes up.

Follow My Dream

About a week ago I was out walking which gives me a little time to think and clear my head of all the noise of my life. I've been questioning for such a long time what I can do to make money. I really want to paint but with such little experience I wonder if it could ever lead to making enough money to really help us out. It seems unrealistic, but then I know other people have done it. I think about a quote that says, "Do what you love and the money will follow". Painting is what I love. Shouldn't we be doing what we love?

I just decided "that's it!" I'm just going to do what I love. I'm not going to question anymore if I'm good enough, if it's the right thing, I'm just going to follow my passion and not worry about the rest. I thought of a quote by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow that I love,

"Let us then be up and doing
With a heart for any fate;
Still achieving, still pursuing
Learn to labor and to wait".

A scripture came to my mind too, "Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men...(2 Nephi 31:20). I felt so good, so excited. I made up my mind to do it. I knew I wouldn't always feel this confident and excited so I promised to just go through the motions to do it no matter how I feel.

I love Sarah Ban Breathnach's book Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy. She says, Dreams are gifts of Spirit meant to alter us. Trust that the same Power that gifted you with your dream knows how to help you make it come true".

About a week later, yesterday, I went to a job interview and knew it was something I didn't want. I didn't want a full time job. I'm not going to work where I can't see my kids. This led to a big argument with my husband about money. I felt so discouraged and depressed. It seems like I'm just being foolish to try to sell paintings. But then I wonder why would Heavenly Father plant such a passionate dream in me if He didn't intend me to pursue it? Yes we need money now. Is there ever a good safe time to pursue your dreams? I think that's the exact thing that prevents us from going after what we want. It's not safe. It doesn't feel secure. It's plain scary! Why? Maybe the Lord wants us to trust Him in helping us make our dreams come true. And why do we hesitate to trust in the Lord? We would rather trust ourselves and our own judgement.

This morning I finished a little 5 x 7 landscape of a view up our street that I love. I feel so happy and peaceful. Whether painting makes me money or not, I need it. I feel so energized and excited when I see something that I know I want to paint. It's just a moment, but it's like magic. The light, the colors, the shapes, bring feelings of being so alive. Next time I will try to post a picture of the paintings I've done, but right now my camera is in the shop. I would love to convey what I feel in my paintings to someone else's heart. To bring them the same sense of awe that I feel in nature and in the beauty of human beings.

I would love to hear your comments and feelings on the pursuit of your dreams or on the pursuit of my dreams. Do you think it's good to be a dreamer? What about in these economic times? Please share!

Some favorite paintings

This is a painting by Sorolla. He is a new favorite artist of mine. I'd heard about him before but it wasn't until this summer that I've seen his work and it's amazing. The brightness of his colors and the warmth and light speak right to my heart.

This is how I would paint in my dreams.

The Working Woman

Remember I was talking about how I needed to make some money. Well, one Tuesday last month I went to LDS Employment and started looking for a job. It didn't look like there was much out there. I talked to a couple of the workers and I told one man I thought it would be fun to work for the census, but he said it was almost over. Then, after awhile I realized I hadn't told the woman helping me I could speak Spanish. As I was looking through a book with job listings, wondering if they were all filled anyway and I was wasting my time, the woman brought me a paper. It was a temporary position working as a Spanish Speaking Customer Service Representative. The pay was $15.78 hr. I felt excited and it seemed like this was meant for me. I went home and called and by the next day I was talking to a guy on the phone who told me they need me and asked if I could come in right away. My husband was home taking a nap with our two year old. It felt unreal as I was driving to the place - leaving all my children at home. I've been home with them for 11 years now. Hardly ever even get away from home. Now I'm planning to be gone a lot. I didn't feel very happy. My husband asked if I was nervous. I said I was just nervous to be away from the kids.

Well, I was hired and have been working for three weeks now. Today is my last day. It seems like it was meant to be since the first week my parents were here to help watch the kids and the following two weeks my husband was on vacation. I was excited to let my husband see what it's like to be a stay home mom. After three weeks I think we both have a better appreciation of eachother. The time at work seemed much easier to me than being home, but after work I felt rushed, tired and unmotivated to do all the things I felt like I needed to do.

The part that makes me both happy and sad is the other night in the night my two year old cried out, "Daddy". My husband said they've gotten really close which I'm thankful for, but I'm used to being #1. Every day when I get ready to go to work, Jared will say, "Mommy!" and motion for me to lay down with him in my bed. It's so sweet and I hate to leave. I decided that since we women spend so many days of so many years miserable because of our capacity to bear children and it's prerequisites, we go through the pains of pregnancy and birth, we nurse, we love to a degree than cannot be compared that WE deserve to be the ones to stay home while the fathers provide us with the things we need. Some may think this is old fashioned, I think it has always been and will always be the truth. Of course, I understand it's not always possible, and life isn't always fair, but if it's possible I believe God sent me my children for ME to take care of and raise, with my husband - not some stranger who you could never pay enough to love and really care for what's best for that child.

I know this isn't the end of what I'm going to have to do to help us make it, and I don't mind working, but I hope I can still figure out something that allows me to be close to home doing what I believe matters most.

My Afternoon Out

Fridays are my days to get away by myself for a little bit. I went to the Spring Salon at Springville Art Museum again. I wanted to see the paintings again before the show was over. This time I found out I could take pictures of my favorites and decided to post some of them here. There were so many beautiful paintings. This painting is by Douglas Aagard, a Utah artist from Payson.

Happy Day after the 4th

Hope everyone had a great weekend. We did! Some friends in the neighborhood invited us over and we had a nice dinner. This is the first 4th we've spent here where it was actually a little chilly.

We sat out on a friends lawn and watched Thanksgiving Points fireworks on July 3rd. It was cozy. Here in Utah the main celebrations were on Saturday since the 4th was on Sunday this year. It makes me wonder if any other states did the same.

Sunday morning, the 4th, we went to church. My husband mentioned how there was no flag in our front yard. Usually the boy scouts put a flag in every yard on national holidays. It's so nice. We we arrived at church we realized why. There were over 30 flags on the lawn around the church. It was so beautiful! It made me feel like crying. It felt so symbolic of the love I feel for my country and the love I feel for God - the two bound together make it so much more meaningful. We have so much to be thankful for to be citizens of this great country and we need to return that thanks to the giver of all our blessing - our Heavenly Father and our Savior Jesus Christ.

I was thinking of all the things I love about July - long days, sweet watermelon, swimming at the pool, getting together as a family to watch fireworks, barbeques, the smell of freshly cut grass, lavender flowers in bloom, and gorgeous sunsets. I miss the lightening bugs that we used to see this time of year in Virginia.

Hope everyone had a great weekend.

The Day After

I sat on the couch, tears flowing down, as I watched a very wise, loving, and patient mother drive away with her two young children, after a long days work at her new job. When she arrived at our house her little boy sat bare bumbed on our couch crying and angry. She lovingly and gently spoke as she said, "I know" and he knew she was the only one who really understood. She dressed him and told him he could go to the car and he walked slowly, but calmly away.

His little sis was asking, "Please, can I have a sleep over?". All she wanted was a chance to play with some girls and make some friends. All he wanted was Mom - to be home in a safe comfortable place where life makes sense. Again she lost her chance and wonders why this keeps happening. Why does she have to go somewhere new when she was really liking the place? My heart is breaking to think I caused more pain. But I really couldn't provide what he needs. Luckily his Mom can work from home, although it must be super difficult.

What an amazing mother to be so positive and strong when life is so hard. Having a child with autism can be heartbreaking. My 11 year old son and 7 year old daughter love summer and would play with friends all day if they could. I'm happy to see them have fun and make good friends, but I feel so bad for my 9 year old with autism. He spends much of the time playing by himself - which he really seems to prefer, but I want to see him making friends and being invited to play, which rarely happens, even though he's one of the sweetest souls that lives on this earth. So many people are missing out by not getting to know him. He has so much to teach them - like kindness, patience, sweetness and how to be a true friend.

But most kids won't give him a chance. I love it when they do. A neighbor boy is the first one who has begun to asks him to play. He doesn't seem to care that he doesn't talk much. They just take turns chasing eachother on their scooters. They have a great time. This is very exciting to me! He also has another friend with autism that he occasionally plays with. They just love to go to eachothers houses and are happy to be together even if they don't really play together.

Last night I went to bed feeling down and exhausted, but I woke up feeling refreshed. I enjoy watering my garden each morning and the little bit of time it gives me alone. It's a quiet place where I can see progress each day. It's amazing how quickly plants grow. I love being able to make a salad from the different lettuces I planted. I see all the little blooms and am looking forward to adding tomatoes to my salad in time. Plants are great! You take care of them and they grow -no sassing, arguing or screaming. It's a great place for a mom to escape to. It's also a great place to enjoy with your kids too. Watering often turns into water fights. The only problem is my 2 year old thinks every plant and leaf is edible. I have to watch him. Today I bought a few more plants for my garden and he pulled a leaf off a pepper plant and started to eat it.

My kids are so sweet. Yesterday, my 11 year old son looked at me and said, "I'm so sorry". My 7 year old daughter wrote me a letter that said, "You are the greatest Mom in the world. Sorry you're having such a hard day". Earlier she said, "I wish I was having a terrible day instead of you". What empathy! I adore my kids!

So life is back to normal - normal as we know it. I really love to be home with my kids. I really feel this is where I belong. So now it's time to keep praying for an opportunity to do something that will help out enough to allow me to stay here. Like any other woman I love things, but I love my family so much more. There's much we can do without. But I can't lose this precious time that I have with these kids. Time goes so fast. I can get the things later, but I can't get back this time with them. Every moment counts.

Oh My!

Oh My what a morning. Day 2 of babysitting. This morning his mom ensured me that today he should be much more mellow since he was really tired and didn't get much sleep. I was hopeful, but doubtful. I just thought it can't be worse than yesterday.

When they first came in he went straight outside. He was playing with the remaining water left in the hose since I had turned if off to prevent a repeat of yesterdays soaking. I watched as he contentedly sipped water from the hose and went to finish the dishes.

Next time I looked outside he was sitting buck naked in our little kiddie pool with one inch of water. I told him he had to get his clothes on and he refused. He also refused to get out of the pool. So I mustered up my strength and carried him again kicking and screaming into the house - this time naked kicking and screaming. Wonderful!

He refused to dress so I tried to dress him by force in which he kicked ripping a big rip in his underwear. We tried a time out which just resulted in more naked kicking and screaming and then I asked his little sister, "Does he do this at home?".
"Yes". "A lot?" "Yes". "What does your mom do when he does this?". "She just puts him in his room to calm down while he plays with his magnadoodle". I thought, that's a good idea. I put him in my sons room holding the door shut just until the major screaming had stopped and left him there. Five minutes later he comes down calm and dressed in my sons clothes. I was happy.

The rest of the morning involved one refusal after another. We went to my parents house to let them play in the backyard which was great. They have a dream yard for kids. The jumped on the tramp while I picked strawberries. He ran inside and I picked for a few minutes more - mistake. When I came in I saw he had gone downstairs where I told him not to and he had emptied out a container of my Mom's Christmas stuff.

I carried him out to the car, strapped him in, he escaped, carried him again, locked the doors and took off. This time almost in tears, saying to myself I can't do this. I feel so bad, but I really can't watch someone who is that demanding. His mom said he's high functioning autism. That's not what I call high functioning. Poor guy. Change can be so difficult for them.

His mom just called and asked how things are doing. I told her it's been really bad and I really can't do this. She was really understanding and said she would find someone for tomorrow. I'm sure she's had to do that many times. I will pray for her and them. I wish I could do it, but I can't.

Right now he's naked again out in the pool and I decided I'm not going to fight it. I'm exhausted and my forearms hurt. And I don't want another naked wrestling match.
Life is going to seem boring with just my four kids after this - or very peaceful.
How does a single working mother of a child like that do it?

Blessing or blessing in disguise?

The last 24 hours have been very eye opening. I started watching the two new kids today. I found out how different kids with autism can be. My autistic son is probably the best behaved kid I have. He's very obedient and doesn't like to cause trouble - and as his teacher said, "is as good as can be".

Today I learned that this boy won't take no for an answer. I had to carry him kicking and screaming into the bathroom to wash his hands after using the bathroom. I was suprised to find the toilet paper was out and replaced the roll. Later I came in and discovered he had half of the new roll down in the toilet - but he willingly and happily washed his hands.

We visited my garden where he found the hose entertaining. I came back a minute later to check on him and found him soaked wet from head to toe, but he was happy. So I turned down the water pressure and let him drink and spray himself for awhile.

His sister was very sweet. So cute and fun that my 2 year old decided he would skip his nap today. He had a great time with her - laughing and chasing her like such a big boy. I was planning on his nap but decided it would be nice if he went to bed at a normal time for once.

My husband and oldest son were shaking their head and wondering what I got myself into. So was I! But I know it's his first day and he was also very sweet much of the time. My concern is if he requires all my attention that everyone else will lose out. I'm trying again tommorrow! I was honest with the mom about his behavior and my concerns, but I feel for her. I would really like it to work out. I said to my husband, "He needs a place to be too". I would feel so awful to turn him away.

After their mom picked them up I took three of my kids out for a walk. It was such a beautiful night and felt so peaceful after today. As I was heading home I saw growing in a crack on the side of the road a little yellow snapdragon flower. I've always loved snap dragons. As a little girl I thought they smelled like smarties. I pulled on it and the whole plant, root and all, came out. I felt like I received a gift and was excited to try to plant it at home.

As I continued walking I thought of the phrase, "the tender mercies of the Lord". I realized this flower that I love was the Lord showing his tender mercies to me at a time he knew I could use it.

Then my daughter and I saw the first star in the sky and I made a wish. I wished that I would keep the boy if I was suppose to. Then right as I walked up to the house my two year old fell asleep. A pretty good ending to a rough day.

Sometimes life throws you a curve ball - you don't see it coming at all. Have you ever been having a wonderful day and life seems so good then out of nowhere something is said or something is done that sends your whole world crashing down? You are not the same. Everything you feel and think is different. You wonder how much of your life is a lie. The dark and stormy clouds come in and that's all you can see for the moment. It makes me realize the power of our words, our actions, our choices. How quickly trust can be damaged or destroyed.

But I quess we have to beleive things can be good again. None of us are perfect. Only love can bring happiness back and peace back. But sometimes you need time to feel that love again and to show it.

We all walk around with a secret wound, sometimes even hidden to our own eyes. Those wounds need to be bravely discovered, tenderly cared for, maybe sometimes painfully lanced, so they can heal and we can be whole and live life fully and painfree. Otherwise when the pain is too great and we can't see straight we might hurt others, often those we love and lose what matters most to us - trust and love.

The Art Spirit

Since I love art and want to be an artist I've been reading "The Art Spirit" by Robert Henri, which an artist recommended to me. It's been a pretty difficult book to follow. At times it makes me wonder if I could ever be a good artist since his advice seems so incredibly complicated. But I've enjoyed the many profound statements he's made and they are really making an impact on me. One that I read this morning made sense to me. He said, "Perhaps mental inactivity is the most fatiguing thing in the world". As I read this it became really clear to me the truth of it. I've wondered so often why I'm so tired. Then I look back and remember the different kind of tired I was when I was in college. I loved learning every day, stretching my mind to exhaustion sometimes. There was such a feeling of satisfaction and joy.

I thought of a statement my Doctor made about how most women, especially stay home moms complain about being very tired all the time I realize how mental inactivity probably applies. I know as a mom my mind stays very occupied on the myriad of things I need to do - it often seems like my mind never gets to rest or think deeply about anything. That's why it's such a glorious time to lay in bed at night when everyone is finally asleep and have the freedom to think about whatever I want to think about. The business of mind most moms experience is not the same as learning something that requires deep thought and attention. I am always happier when I take some time in my day to read or study or paint. I feel so much more energy and excitement for life.

Another statement that Robert Henri made that I loved is, "It is a big job to know oneself...The only men who are interesting to themselves and to others are those who have been willing to meet themselves squarely. The works of the masters are what they are because they are evidences from men who dared to be like themselves. It cost most of them dearly, but it was worthwhile. They were interesting to themselves, and now they are interesting to us". How many people do you know who are truly themselves? Wouldn't it be wonderful if we all were? So much of what we do is often to please others. What is your passion? What do you love?

I've been noticing lately as I've been reading the Art Spirit and trying to develop an artistic spirit how many more moments of "awe" I'm experiencing - an incredible moment where the shapes an colors of the light and shadows up the street caught my eye, as I was playing outside with the kids. Even my 11 year old son felt it as I pointed and said, "Look!" He said, "Wow!" No other words needed to be said. Look for the magical in your life. Instead of walking around like a zombie which we often do open yourself up to the wonder around you like a little child.

Last night I prayed and prayed that God would hear my prayer and help me find a way to make some money to pay the bills. This morning I got a phone call from a woman looking for day care. She has two kids - a six year old girl and an 8 year old boy with autism. I felt goosebumps as we talked and came to know they attend the same school as my kids. Having a son with autism myself I feel a deep tenderness for those sweet little kids and a reverence for them and what they go through in life. I feel that the Lord heard my prayer and probably hers too.

Life is incredible! Especially when we see the Lord's hands in so many of the details. He has really given us everything we need to live a life of deep joy, peace and love. We need to recognize it and appreciate it and praise Him for it.

Making things Clear

I love being able to go to church and feel renewed and gain a better perspective of life and my place in it. Learning from the scriptures and the examples in them, their trials and challenges, I leave feeling more hope and determination to make a better life for me and my family. My life doesn't seem so bad.

Lately, I've felt so much the seriousness of my role as a mother. I want so much to prepare and strengthen my children to face whatever they will face in life. I want them to have confidence in themselves. I want them to really believe in the power of prayer and the love of their Father in Heaven for them. I want them to know I believe in them and that they should find their dreams and pursue them. We all have a purpose and make a difference in this world. "This above all to thine own self be true". I think that's something very difficult to do and that very few people really stay true to themselves. I try to tell my 11 year old son that I know how it feels to want to be accepted and try to fit in, but it's even more important to feel good about who you are and knowing that your life is pleasing to God.

I was talking to a good friend of mine about how we so often feel like as mothers we are not doing enough. As mothers our hearts are so full of hopes and dreams. Dreams of a perfectly clean and orderly home, children developing their talents and using their time wisely, and loveable and peaceable conversations taking place all day. But reality is so far from that dream. Our plans for life that we imagine flowing easily are always shattered and interupted by the unexpected events - sickness, accidents, fights among family members, etc... So many times when I've felt excited about something big I plan to do the next day I end up not getting any sleep because of the sickness of a child and I wake up totally exhausted and unmotivated.

I know their is much we can do to make a difference, but I also know Satan is real and he always tries to discourage us and make us feel we'll never be enough. We're only expected to do the best we can. We need to keep a clear perspective of what's important in life and weed out all the useless things that take nourishment away from what really matters. The scriptures and the Spirit can help make those things really clear - and it's not the things that money can buy but things we can take with us when this life is over - family relationships, experiences from serving, knowledge, peace, talents, joy, and a closeness to Heavenly Father.

So I will continue to try each day to make things more clear for me and my family.

Doubt not, Fear not

This morning I woke up early determined to have a little quiet time by myself to work on my painting. As I headed downstairs I realized my 9 and 11 year old boys had beat me to it. They were laughing and playing on the computer - so much for quiet time. So I decided to go get my walk in for the day before it gets to hot and I'll try to paint later when my 2 year old naps.

As I went for a walk I really enjoyed the crisp morning air. My 9 year old is such a sweet boy. I love to take him for a walk with me to get him out of the house. I was noticing yesterday as I went for a walk how pessimistic I've been. I've been struggling for so long with my weight and being worried about money and trying to figure out how to make more money. I'm 46, a mother of four children the youngest 2 years old. I have a college degree but I feel so strongly that I need to be home with my youngest children that my only option seems to be child care. It's not what I dream of doing but it could allow my my dream of being home with my children.
I don't believe that God sent me these children to have someone else raise them. So, I realize I need a change of attitude. The scriptures say, "Doubt not, fear not, but be believing..." I have been so full of doubt and fear that I haven't felt much peace for a long time. Today I decided I'm going to try to live this day without doubt, without fear and believing that Heavenly Father wants me to be happy and will help me reach the dreams He's planted in my heart.

So doubt not, fear not!

Summer

Four kids at home for summer break. Loving the time with them but trying to find a little time to paint. I've done a lot of quick little sketches, like while waiting in the car with two of the kids while my husband was in Wal Mart or right before bed, but it's not cutting it. I need to paint!

I admire so many of the paintings I see on facebook. I'd recommend looking up Brian Neher. He has a huge library of incredible paintings. He has introduced me to so many great artists of the past. I promise you'll love them.

Choosing to Follow Christ

This is a little watercolor I did for a young man who graduated this week. It was a graduation gift from his parents. I did one before of his brother that he liked, but I hope he likes this one too. I decided to not paint people that small again - it's too hard.

Before, After and Now

I used to call Jared pumpkinhead. Now it has a whole new meaning. He's always so beautiful to me.

Painting again!

I just started working on a watercolor that I'll doing next. It feels good to be working on something again. Although I'm always extremely busy, something is really missing when I'm not painting. I can tell these few weeks off have set me back and feel nervous to paint again like I'm starting all over.

Well, we'll see how it goes. Wish me luck.

Home again

Jared is the toughest baby I know. His skull surgery went well and I was way beyond grateful - so relieved! He was in the hospital for 5 days. Three of those days he wasn't able to see because his eyes were swollen shut. I was so amazed at his attitude. All he wanted was to feel me or his Dad close. I explained to him that his eyes would get better, but I don't know if he understood me. Even while he was blind he laughed occasionally and was so good natured. He's amazing.

It was difficult to see him in pain, but I was so thankful that he was ok that I wasn't going to complain about anything. Now he is home and not feeling so paranoid. He has a zigzag scar across his head from one ear to another. Had to laugh yesterday when a 7 year old neighbor boy asked what happened. Josh said he had surgery. He replied, "That's too bad. Did they take his head off?"

The swellings gone down and he looks so cute. I'm so thankful for that little guy in my life. He brings me so much joy and laughter. My Mom was talking about little children yesterday and she said how she wishes she could be as sweet and pure as these little children. That would really be heaven.

Happy belated Mother's Day to all you mothers out there. Here's a quote I found that I love. President David O. McKay said, "Mother is the greatest potential influence either for good or ill in human life. The mother's image is the first that stamps itself on the ... young child's mind. It is her caress that first awakens a sense of security; her kiss, the first realization of affection; her sympathy and tenderness, the first assurance that there is love in the world."

Innocence

Today was such a wonderful day. I got to spend some time this afternoon visiting the Springville Art Museum with a great friend. I was in awe at the talent of the artists in the Spring Salon. There were about 200 accepted out of over 1000. Mine wasn't one of them. I couldn't believe downstairs in the room with all the rejected art was a giant landscape that was one of the most beautiful landscapes I've ever seen. I felt so bad that everyone wasn't going to get the chance to see it. A woman working down there said there were so many incredible pieces and phenomenal talent and she felt that way about all of them. I would really love to volunteer there each spring so I could get a chance to see them all.

I entered the show like a kid in a candy shop. I was so excited to see all the beautiful artwork. We were shocked that a very uninspiring (ugly really) painting was chosen while that beautiful landscape sat downstairs unappreciated. But it was evident why the rest of them were chosen.

My favorite painting was titled "The Summer Cottage" A figurative/landscape oil painting by Trent Austin Gudmunsen that I fell in love with and had to revisit several times. It was a painting of a woman walking out in a field with her little boy on her hip. It was so beautiful it made me want to cry - or it made me want to cry because I wish I could paint like that.

Well, this week I made a decision to stop trying to finish one painting a week. I will continue to paint and write a post of what I've done every week, but I will finish a painting when I like it and feel it's done. The purpose of my goal to begin with was to get me painting and I am. It was to help me overcome my fear of painting and it has, but now, I want to do better and feel better about what I'm doing. The unfinished picture of Christ keeps staring at me, as it sits above my fireplace, and I want to work on it some more.

One night as I was going to bed after painting and feeling good about it I checked in on my son who was sleeping and I thought to myself, "Sure your painting looks good, but what did you do to help him prepare for his future today?" I felt determined to change that. Now I will do what I can and let you know how it's going.

Next Friday I won't be able to post anything because I'll be in the hospital with my son. He has his skull surgery. I am so dreading it, but so ready for it to be done.

This weeks painting is of my daughters friend. She has the most gorgeous big black eyes you've ever seen. I had to paint her.

Reproduction of James Taylor Harwood

Here is my reproduction of Men in a Field by James Taylor Harwood as shown on my last post. It is a birthday present for my sister who is also a country girl at heart. She is such an awesome sister. I'm so thankful to have her as my sister.

James Taylor Harwood

I've been trying to reproduce a painting by James Taylor Harwood. I love the light in this painting. It's amazing!

Spring Break

We had such a great time this week on our trip to Zion. We stayed three nights and four days and had a wonderful time hiking and swimming. We laughed a bunch and created some wonderful memories. I love my family so much. Life is wonderful because of them. I'll always remember the warm, sunny, funfilled days we spent together.

I did a little sketching and a little watercolor, but I didn't finish anything. But I did do quite a bit of reading this week about the early artist of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints. One artist whose painting is on a wall at our church I learned was from Lehi - where I am now living. I think he must be so pleased to know his painting hangs on a wall in the town he grew up in. But he must be dissappointed that the people who attend that church don't know anything about him. I learned in a book I'm reading called "Harvesting the Light" that James Taylor Harwood was one of a few early church members that were called as art missionaries. The church helped fund art training in Paris for two years and after they came back prepared to paint the walls of the Salt Lake Temple. I would love to have been able to study as an art missionary. The greatest honor I could imagine is to have a painting in a Temple.

This week I entered a painting in the Springville Art Museum's Spring Salon. They only accept a small percentage of the paintings. My sweet 10 year old son said, "Don't let it break your heart if they don't accept it. It's really good Mom". I was so proud of his sweet protective love. It's so great to see your kids start to mature and become very thoughtful and caring. I will know on the 20th of this month if it was accepted.

Jesus

My Lord My God

This week since it was Easter I wanted to paint Christ. I knew the time spent painting Him would give me time to think of all He did for me. I hoped He wouldn't mind my lack of experience in painting - but I realized He loves us and accepts us with all our weaknesses. If anything I could feel Him helping me.

I'm rethinking this goal for the year. This painting is still unfinished. I'm going to try to finish it tonight, but I'm not feeling well. I think I may post each week what I have done in the last week. I think I will enjoy painting more and not feel so stressed about finishing one. Some paintings take more time and some weeks are more crazy than others. The whole purpose of my goal was to get me actively painting, to overcome my fear of trying to paint perfectly and to gain experience and learn - I am doing that! I just read a quote that said something like, it's more important to paint well than to paint fast. I want to paint well.
If there are any objections I'd like to hear your argument.

So here's my unfinished painting of Christ. I love Him and I'm so thankful that He died for me and gave me a chance to repent and become clean in this life. He brings me hope and joy in life. Now my little buddy, that I'm so thankful Heavenly Father sent me, needs me. And he's more important than painting,

Rainy Sunday Morning

This week I got my new brushes and they are so awesome. They really do make a difference. But they don't make the colors right. I repainted Jared's face so many times and with so many different colors and now I'm going to settle with what I've done - and save it to work on some more on a "rainy" day.

I talked to my photographer friend, Rachel Rehart, and she helped me realize how that my biggest difficulty is the photo I'm painting from. You can't really see the skin tones at all. So I've really learned a lesson about what pictures to choose. She taught me quite a bit about lighting and now I'm excited to start something that will be so much easier.

This painting is starting to grow on me though. It's funny because a couple weeks after I've struggled with a painting and when I haven't felt very happy about the outcome I find that I really like it so much better. I think it's because I'm so hard on myself as I'm painting and seeing all the flaws.

This last week Jared keeps trying to talk to me about the painting of him. It's so cute. He's so interested. He even took a pencil and added a couple of his own touches to it. I don't think my little painting corner is going to be safe for much longer. He's picking up brushes and wanting to paint. I was hoping he would grow up used to the idea that it's mommy's corner and he has to leave it alone - fat chance.

So here's my sweet sweet Jared.
So here is my sweet Jared

Rainy Sunday Morning

I was so excited about this painting of Jared. He was all dressed for church and as I was getting ready to go I found him sitting in the window with a book in his hand. We rarely have rain and he would look at the book and then look out at the rain. It was so cute.

But this week I've really struggled with the skin tones. The photo of Jared was really dark and the background was very light. I jokingly pleaded for help on facebook and actually got some good advice from my old art teacher in Virginia - Rieneke Leenders. She suggested I print it a few stops lighter to see the skin tones better. Makes sense.

So for the first time this year I didn't finish my weekly painting by Friday. I think this one will take one more week. But here's a peek.

Leave us Alone

This is another painting of a mother and daughter from my church. It was the fourth of July and we were at the park doing the yearly breakfast and waterslide down the hill. Too little to be sliding, this little girl was snuggled up on her mom's lap, enjoying their cozy time. When I went to take her picture she gave me this look that I loved. She just wanted to be alone with mom, but was putting up with the crowd of kids and grownups that had been sliding for way too long.

I love to see little toddlers and children when they are snuggled up in their mother's or father's arms. They feel safe to look around and take in all the things that are going on around them - until someone comes and takes their picture that is.

I had fun doing this one. Yes this is the missing painting that is on the other side of the mother and daughter portrait. And you're right Tara, two for one is a pretty good deal.

Waiting for supplies

This week I'm working on the other side of the Mother and daughter portrait. I ordered some paint brushes over 10 days ago and I'm still waiting on them. It sounds like it will be another week. It's hard to do fine details with bad brushes - or am I making excuses. I guess we'll see when I get the brushes.

My Mom & Dad really liked the painting of the cows. I haven't signed any of my paintings yet. My Mom asked me if there's some type of pen you can sign paintings with. I don't know. That would be nice. I'm going to try to find out.

I'm still enjoying painting but it seems like my painters high is wearing off a little. I'm not sure why, but I'm going to keep plugging along because I'm know when you have a goal it's not always exciting. I wish I could be taking a class. It's so fun to get together with other artists. I do enjoy the facebook artists I have become friends with. But sometimes I feel pretty alone. I was so excited when my neighbor showed me a painting she's been working on. We really need to get together and paint.

Until Friday.

Cow Kisses

This week I tried to make a painting for my parents who are both having a birthday. My parents both grew up in Norway. My Mom grew up on a farm and loves animals. She has told me stories about her cows and horses. One cow that she especially loved was named Dagros. I googled and searched the internet for images of cow. Dagros was a Holstein. As I was searching I came across a photo of two cows snuggling. I thought it was so sweet. I made a quick copy and it was a bad one - our ink is running very low. I wrote down the page number and planned to look it up again once I started painting. I drew up a quick sketch on my board and went to find the picture again and I couldn't find it anywhere. I went through 50 pages each of "cow images, cow photos, cows cuddling, holstein cow photos, etc. You won't believe some of the pictures. Be careful with letting your children look up images - scary.
A couple of days later Josh suggested I try "cows kissing" and I found it but it was only about an inch big so it didn't help too much. But I found someone else had done a painting of the same image.

I decided to just do my best with the copy that I had - even though the black showed white and the other colors were off. I ended up pretty happy with it, but I was reminded that I really lack in imagination. I would love to be able to paint something that I imagine in my mind, but either I lack the ability or the experience. Not sure which yet.

My Mom told me that she loved to play with the calves. They were very playful. She said her mom told her that she would look out at the barn and see Mom's head go running by the window. I would love a picture of that.

My parents have both talked about how little cows are mentioned or appreciated in our country. They give us milk and meat, something we use almost every day, but people rarely ever think about them or talk about them. Cows are so beautiful and sweet. They play such an important role in our lives. So here's to the cows - peaceful, loving and beautiful. Thank you!

Dad's turning 80 next week. They are such wonderful parents and incredibly giving people. I am so blessed to have parents like them. They have always loved and supported me in my life. And they have taught me by example the kind of person I want to be and the way I want to live my life - honestly, lovingly, hard working and so full of faith in Heavenly Father and our Savior. I hope my children will be able to say that about me. I love you Mom & Dad. Happy Birthday!

Cozy with Mommy

This week I was planning to finish a painting I started last year. It's of a Mom and daughter at the Ward 4th of July party at the park. I showed her the painting months ago before I was really finished with it. She said she really liked it and was interested in purchasing it. I looked all over but couldn't find it, but I found
the other one of her and her daughter I had started. I decided to just work on that one. I didn't know if she would like it as much, but I figured I would find the other one later and finish it.

So I've worked on this all week. It's only an 8 x 10 and I wish it was bigger because I've had such a tough time trying to paint the smaller details. I've ordered some brushes that I can't wait to get. I'm hoping it will be much easier with some good brushes.

Anyway so I pick the painting up to move it and take a picture of it. Josh says, "Oh, there's a painting on the other side?". I turn it over and there's the other painting I've been looking for. I was so mad at myself. I felt so stupid. How's that going to work? I guess they can turn it over when they get tired of it. Josh carefully said, "It's really kind of funny Mom". I said, angrily, "Yea I know".
The thing that haunts me the most is that I did the same thing with a watercolor over 5 years ago. I hope I've learned my lesson. So here's the picture. I'll work on the one on the back and show it to you next week.

Snow Angel

"Snow Angel" is my 7th painting this year. My daughter is so beautiful and sweet I had a hard time trying to pick which picture I wanted to paint. I think I really needed two weeks to paint this instead of one. Then I started thinking, since my goal is to paint one painting a week maybe by the end of the year, I will hopefully have learned a lot and next year will be able to fix all the paintings I've painted this year.

I am happy with this painting. I wanted to paint her in her black coat that she wears everywhere, but as I painted the red underlayer I liked it too much to change it. Then I took a black and white picture of the painting and thought it looked really good black. Let me know what you think looks best.

I finally got my Southwest Art Magazine. My subscription had expired and my husband renewed it for me for Christmas. I look forward to it each month and find new favorite artists. This month there's a wonderful figurative painter named Marci Oleszkiewicz ( pronounced o-la-skevitch). I love her use of light and shadows. You can see her work in the Waterhouse Gallery, Santa Barbara, CA. Each day as I try to run on the treadmill I find a painting I like and look at it for 1 mile and then turn to a new one after each mile. Yes I am crazy about art. I told my Mom today as we drove by some bushes and trees that are starting to show some color of spring that I can't drive by without wanting to paint it. I'm still having a hard time going to sleep at night because I'm so excited about painting. But I did buy a Williams Sonoma Appetizer cookbook today.

So that's this week. Next week I'm changing things up a bit. I'm going to finish a painting that I started last year. I decided that was ok. Otherwise I'll never have time to work on it.

Everyone in our house is feeling better, including me. So I think next week will be a lot better. Until then.

Working on portrait

This time I thought I'd show what I'm working on before it's finished. I'm painting a portrait of my daughter. I was going to paint the underlayer red so the black on her coat was not so flat, but now I'm really considering leaving the coat red.

It's been a crazy week. I finished my last painting on Friday. Saturday night my baby got sick. He threw up on my husband first and then on me. Sunday was spent trying to recover from being up all night. I sure missed going to church. It's always such a good beginning to the week (or ending, however you look at it).
Then on Monday my oldest son was sick - fever and no energy. So this morning he comes in shaking from nightmares (He always has bad dreams when he's sick). It always freaks me out when he's had a nightmare. Sometimes he talks in his sleep about it.

Then I moved my six year old out of my bed to let him sleep in my bed and she started to cry and say she doesn't feel good. Since my oldest is snoring in my bed now I decided to get up. I haven't been feeling well for the last three days either.

Today my parents are coming to town and I've got a bunch to do and don't want to get them sick. But this is life. Things hardly ever go as planned do they?
I hope I can still finish this painting this week. I have one more son who hasn't been sick yet.

I keep telling myself, little by little is how things get done. Especially here. I just have to stay focused.

Safely Hidden

This week I really struggled with making up my mind about what I wanted to paint. I really didn't make up my mind until Monday night. But I always liked a picture I took on our trip to Vegas in November 2008. It looks so cozy to live out in the country with no one else around. I believe it is Parowan, Utah because of the P on the mountain.

I noticed I am drawn to pictures of cloudy days. It must be from being raised in Washington state. I love rainy days. It makes me feel at home. When I first painted the clouds they looked awful (I think this is my first time ever painting clouds). I wiped them off. I got on youtube and searched "how to paint clouds in oil". I watched a couple movies and couldn't believe how easy it was going to be. Well, it wasn't as easy as I'd hoped, but I'm decided to think of them as pretty good for the first time.

I am really enjoying this challenge. I find that I'm seeing things very differently. I see folds, shapes and shadows in places I never noticed before - like dirty socks on the floor. Crazy huh? I really get when they say that being an artist is just learning how to see. I love it! It's a whole new world. I lay in bed at night, not able to go to sleep because I'm thinking of all the things I'd like to paint. It must be what I'm meant to do.

Those who know me know I have a cookbook addiction. Somehow I can never get enough. Well tonight I looked at some but the same excitement wasn't there. I couldn't believe it. It pales in comparison to how I feel when I can look at something I've created. Wow! It's a good change. But I'll always love to bake.

So Happy Valentines day, I'll talk to you next Friday.

She is more precious than rubies

Wow! I'm cutting it close. I finished my fifth painting for 2010. I have one minute to upload it on my blog. Oops! Now it's midnight. I still reached my goal. I've just been struggling to upload my picture. This is a painting of my neice. I hope she doesn't mind, since it's a surprise. I had a great time painting it and learned a ton.

The name of the painting is from a verse in Proverbs 3:15 "She is more precious than rubies; and all the things thou canst desire are not to be compared unto her".

I've really been thinking about Proverbs 31:10 all week as I've been painting my neice. It says, "Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies". It's true that virtue is rare nowadays - but is still is worth far more than rubies. Our bodies are an incredible gift given to us from God. I'd like my art to portray young women in a way that respects them and their worth as a child of God. I'd love to see all women come to know how special they are and that they are daughters of God.

We are asked to be light to the world - a light that can lead others to Christ. He will fill our lives with the peace and happiness we're seeking and a love of self and others. Since we all sin and become unclean He makes us clean and new again as we repent. No matter how many times - He'll never give up on us. He is our creator and loves us unconditionally. When he looks at all His children he is filled with love for every one. He wants us to repent and follow Him because He knows it will make us happy. Young women are so special to Him. As we look at them as He does we see beautiful individuals of eternal worth, with incredible Godgiven potential. Can you imagine the pain He feels when the world portrays them as objects to be used? And even more so when a young women sees herself that way and believes that's all anyone could want her for.

Young women are people who are loved and cherished by God, Mothers, Fathers, family, friends, etc. They can and do contribute so much good to the world. They should be respected and valued. Not used or abused. So lets do what we can to help them see themselves as special and valuable. Young women should know their value. They are truly masterpieces of God's creations and should be treated that way.

Painting #4 of 2010

I finished my fourth painting of the year. This is another painting of Park City, UT. I've found landscapes are so much more relaxing. I'm also really excited to learn that I really can paint a little when the kids are up and running around. They're starting to get used to it and leave me alone. Amazing and exciting.

I'm really excited that tonight I'm going with my friend Mari to the Park City Gallery stroll. I just found out the last Friday of every month they have a Gallery stroll from 6-9 pm. I can't wait! Since it's the Sundance Film Festival it's going to be pretty crazy. I'll let you know later who my favorite artists and Galleries are.

I'm starting to wonder what am I going to do with 50+ paintings. And Tara you asked what will I do when I'm on vacation. You've thought it through more than I have. One good thing ( I guess ) is we hardly ever go on vacation. But we do have some planned. I'll have to work extra hard the week before or maybe paint watercolors that week.

I found out my 19 month old son is going to have another surgery, probably next month, on his skull. Poor little buddy. He had a surgery at 7 months and wore a helmet for a year, but it didn't really work. We knew that it might not. We started with the smaller surgery hoping that it might do the trick. He was born with craniosynostosis. That's were the skull fuses too early and causes the head to grow crooked - it's normally suppose to fuse at around 18 months. So he was born with his right side of the skull fused together. They went in at 7 months and took out the fused section to allow his head to grow normally and the helmet was to help it form correctly. Well, he still has no eyebrow bone above his right eye. They are going to create one so his eye can be protected. I've been dreading this. I can't really think about it. We just have to do it. I just hate to think of him going through any pain. But I guess life includes pain - just wish I could take it for him.

Summer Shadows

Here's my third painting for January. I learned a lot with this painting. It was my most difficult. It seemed like I was on a roller coaster ride. At one moment I loved it, then I thought it was awful, then after working on it more I thought it was ok. I ended half pleased. I have so much to learn about mixing colors. Portraits seem so much more difficult to even see what the colors are. I'm hoping after awhile I'll learn enough to be able to fix it to where I love it. This is my son after spraying himself down with the hose on a hot summer day. So I'm calling it Summer Shadows.

January 2010 The Challenge

This is my second painting in January, called "Mom's Hiding Place". In September last year I went to Park City all by myself and found this super spot - a mother's dream - quiet, beautiful, a running stream and no one around but me. It was just what I needed. Before the 24 hours were over I was renewed and eager to see my family again. I was surprised how much I missed them.

I began this new year with a personal challenge. I have to complete one painting by Friday night each week of the year. I decided to do this because I've been talking about painting, dreaming about painting and wanting to paint, but hardly ever doing it. This forces me to plan what I want to do and really do it. This year is not about talking, but doing. This is my first painting in January called "Lehi pasture".

I was always afraid to show people my art, but now I'm going to free myself from that fear by allowing everyone to see it. I have mostly worked with watercolors, but now I've decided to learn oils. It's very different and I love the strength and gloss of the colors.

I'm a very busy mother of 4 children (ranging from 19 months to 10 years). I love my family so much. They bring me so much joy. Painting allows me to spend some time doing something I love. I learn each painting I do so I know by the end of the year I will have improved a lot.

My studio is a little corner of our family room. I dream of having a studio where I can have a quiet space and not have to put my paints away each day (for fear of poisening my youngest child). But life is good and I'm thankful for what I have. My children build me up and tell me I'm a great artist. When the kids are all gone to school it's something I would love to do full-time. I've spent most spare moments looking at other artists work. Now it's time to create my own.

I'm sure my dream is like many others. I've always believed in pursuing my dreams, but I've been on hold for a very long time. I think homemakers need something just for them more than anybody else. If somethings missing in your life maybe it's the pursuit of your dream. Right now since I've began my life feels so full. There's nothing else I need. I'm feeling so excited looking around and trying to decide what my next paintings will be. I see beauty all around - even right outside my door. Life is awesome! Come join me.