Making things Clear

I love being able to go to church and feel renewed and gain a better perspective of life and my place in it. Learning from the scriptures and the examples in them, their trials and challenges, I leave feeling more hope and determination to make a better life for me and my family. My life doesn't seem so bad.

Lately, I've felt so much the seriousness of my role as a mother. I want so much to prepare and strengthen my children to face whatever they will face in life. I want them to have confidence in themselves. I want them to really believe in the power of prayer and the love of their Father in Heaven for them. I want them to know I believe in them and that they should find their dreams and pursue them. We all have a purpose and make a difference in this world. "This above all to thine own self be true". I think that's something very difficult to do and that very few people really stay true to themselves. I try to tell my 11 year old son that I know how it feels to want to be accepted and try to fit in, but it's even more important to feel good about who you are and knowing that your life is pleasing to God.

I was talking to a good friend of mine about how we so often feel like as mothers we are not doing enough. As mothers our hearts are so full of hopes and dreams. Dreams of a perfectly clean and orderly home, children developing their talents and using their time wisely, and loveable and peaceable conversations taking place all day. But reality is so far from that dream. Our plans for life that we imagine flowing easily are always shattered and interupted by the unexpected events - sickness, accidents, fights among family members, etc... So many times when I've felt excited about something big I plan to do the next day I end up not getting any sleep because of the sickness of a child and I wake up totally exhausted and unmotivated.

I know their is much we can do to make a difference, but I also know Satan is real and he always tries to discourage us and make us feel we'll never be enough. We're only expected to do the best we can. We need to keep a clear perspective of what's important in life and weed out all the useless things that take nourishment away from what really matters. The scriptures and the Spirit can help make those things really clear - and it's not the things that money can buy but things we can take with us when this life is over - family relationships, experiences from serving, knowledge, peace, talents, joy, and a closeness to Heavenly Father.

So I will continue to try each day to make things more clear for me and my family.

Doubt not, Fear not

This morning I woke up early determined to have a little quiet time by myself to work on my painting. As I headed downstairs I realized my 9 and 11 year old boys had beat me to it. They were laughing and playing on the computer - so much for quiet time. So I decided to go get my walk in for the day before it gets to hot and I'll try to paint later when my 2 year old naps.

As I went for a walk I really enjoyed the crisp morning air. My 9 year old is such a sweet boy. I love to take him for a walk with me to get him out of the house. I was noticing yesterday as I went for a walk how pessimistic I've been. I've been struggling for so long with my weight and being worried about money and trying to figure out how to make more money. I'm 46, a mother of four children the youngest 2 years old. I have a college degree but I feel so strongly that I need to be home with my youngest children that my only option seems to be child care. It's not what I dream of doing but it could allow my my dream of being home with my children.
I don't believe that God sent me these children to have someone else raise them. So, I realize I need a change of attitude. The scriptures say, "Doubt not, fear not, but be believing..." I have been so full of doubt and fear that I haven't felt much peace for a long time. Today I decided I'm going to try to live this day without doubt, without fear and believing that Heavenly Father wants me to be happy and will help me reach the dreams He's planted in my heart.

So doubt not, fear not!

Summer

Four kids at home for summer break. Loving the time with them but trying to find a little time to paint. I've done a lot of quick little sketches, like while waiting in the car with two of the kids while my husband was in Wal Mart or right before bed, but it's not cutting it. I need to paint!

I admire so many of the paintings I see on facebook. I'd recommend looking up Brian Neher. He has a huge library of incredible paintings. He has introduced me to so many great artists of the past. I promise you'll love them.

Choosing to Follow Christ

This is a little watercolor I did for a young man who graduated this week. It was a graduation gift from his parents. I did one before of his brother that he liked, but I hope he likes this one too. I decided to not paint people that small again - it's too hard.

Before, After and Now

I used to call Jared pumpkinhead. Now it has a whole new meaning. He's always so beautiful to me.

Painting again!

I just started working on a watercolor that I'll doing next. It feels good to be working on something again. Although I'm always extremely busy, something is really missing when I'm not painting. I can tell these few weeks off have set me back and feel nervous to paint again like I'm starting all over.

Well, we'll see how it goes. Wish me luck.

Home again

Jared is the toughest baby I know. His skull surgery went well and I was way beyond grateful - so relieved! He was in the hospital for 5 days. Three of those days he wasn't able to see because his eyes were swollen shut. I was so amazed at his attitude. All he wanted was to feel me or his Dad close. I explained to him that his eyes would get better, but I don't know if he understood me. Even while he was blind he laughed occasionally and was so good natured. He's amazing.

It was difficult to see him in pain, but I was so thankful that he was ok that I wasn't going to complain about anything. Now he is home and not feeling so paranoid. He has a zigzag scar across his head from one ear to another. Had to laugh yesterday when a 7 year old neighbor boy asked what happened. Josh said he had surgery. He replied, "That's too bad. Did they take his head off?"

The swellings gone down and he looks so cute. I'm so thankful for that little guy in my life. He brings me so much joy and laughter. My Mom was talking about little children yesterday and she said how she wishes she could be as sweet and pure as these little children. That would really be heaven.

Happy belated Mother's Day to all you mothers out there. Here's a quote I found that I love. President David O. McKay said, "Mother is the greatest potential influence either for good or ill in human life. The mother's image is the first that stamps itself on the ... young child's mind. It is her caress that first awakens a sense of security; her kiss, the first realization of affection; her sympathy and tenderness, the first assurance that there is love in the world."