I sat on the couch, tears flowing down, as I watched a very wise, loving, and patient mother drive away with her two young children, after a long days work at her new job. When she arrived at our house her little boy sat bare bumbed on our couch crying and angry. She lovingly and gently spoke as she said, "I know" and he knew she was the only one who really understood. She dressed him and told him he could go to the car and he walked slowly, but calmly away.
His little sis was asking, "Please, can I have a sleep over?". All she wanted was a chance to play with some girls and make some friends. All he wanted was Mom - to be home in a safe comfortable place where life makes sense. Again she lost her chance and wonders why this keeps happening. Why does she have to go somewhere new when she was really liking the place? My heart is breaking to think I caused more pain. But I really couldn't provide what he needs. Luckily his Mom can work from home, although it must be super difficult.
What an amazing mother to be so positive and strong when life is so hard. Having a child with autism can be heartbreaking. My 11 year old son and 7 year old daughter love summer and would play with friends all day if they could. I'm happy to see them have fun and make good friends, but I feel so bad for my 9 year old with autism. He spends much of the time playing by himself - which he really seems to prefer, but I want to see him making friends and being invited to play, which rarely happens, even though he's one of the sweetest souls that lives on this earth. So many people are missing out by not getting to know him. He has so much to teach them - like kindness, patience, sweetness and how to be a true friend.
But most kids won't give him a chance. I love it when they do. A neighbor boy is the first one who has begun to asks him to play. He doesn't seem to care that he doesn't talk much. They just take turns chasing eachother on their scooters. They have a great time. This is very exciting to me! He also has another friend with autism that he occasionally plays with. They just love to go to eachothers houses and are happy to be together even if they don't really play together.
Last night I went to bed feeling down and exhausted, but I woke up feeling refreshed. I enjoy watering my garden each morning and the little bit of time it gives me alone. It's a quiet place where I can see progress each day. It's amazing how quickly plants grow. I love being able to make a salad from the different lettuces I planted. I see all the little blooms and am looking forward to adding tomatoes to my salad in time. Plants are great! You take care of them and they grow -no sassing, arguing or screaming. It's a great place for a mom to escape to. It's also a great place to enjoy with your kids too. Watering often turns into water fights. The only problem is my 2 year old thinks every plant and leaf is edible. I have to watch him. Today I bought a few more plants for my garden and he pulled a leaf off a pepper plant and started to eat it.
My kids are so sweet. Yesterday, my 11 year old son looked at me and said, "I'm so sorry". My 7 year old daughter wrote me a letter that said, "You are the greatest Mom in the world. Sorry you're having such a hard day". Earlier she said, "I wish I was having a terrible day instead of you". What empathy! I adore my kids!
So life is back to normal - normal as we know it. I really love to be home with my kids. I really feel this is where I belong. So now it's time to keep praying for an opportunity to do something that will help out enough to allow me to stay here. Like any other woman I love things, but I love my family so much more. There's much we can do without. But I can't lose this precious time that I have with these kids. Time goes so fast. I can get the things later, but I can't get back this time with them. Every moment counts.
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