2012 The beginning or the beginning of the end

Happy New Year! I love the beginning of a new year. I always feel a new hope and faith in my life and my dreams. I usually feel an excitement of looking forward to spring. This year has been very unusual and feels like spring when it's usually the coldest time of year. I've enjoyed warm walks in the sun with only a long sleeve shirt. I've seen buds on trees and wonder it that's not a good sign. I've heard that since we had so much water left over from last years unusually snowy winter that we should be ok. But I wonder what it means. I've never seen a winter like this in Utah.
But winter is not over yet.

My 11 year old son, who has autism, watched the preview to the movie "2012". He doesn't talk much but he thinks a lot more than most of us. I didn't realize how much he was thinking about it until one day in church he started crying and when I asked him why he said, "2012 the end of the world". I told him that it's not the "end of the world" and that it was just a movie. He's really worried about it quite a bit. I explained to him that we know that Christ will come again someday but if we follow Him, and keep His commandments, we don't need to worry and that only Heavenly Father knows when that will be.

One night my daughter was really upset about something and she was crying really hard. I was talking to her and said, "It's not the end of the world". My son overheard me and repeated, "It's not the end of the world". He went and got a tootsie pop and stuck it in her mouth and she stopped crying. Why didn't I think of that? He's such a wise kid. I think he really liked that statement because he's repeated it to me quite often. I love having him around. He has such a sweet and calming spirit.

So what do you think? Is the end near? We are suppose to study the scriptures and look for signs of what will happen before the second coming. In the New Testament Paul tells what will happen in the last days. ( 2 Timothy, chapters 3 and 4)
"This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy". (2 Timothy 3:1,2) One thing that sounds like something we hear on the news more and more is that men (and women) in the last days will be "without natural affection". I can't believe how often I'm hearing on the news of spouses killing each other or children being killed by their parents. Parenthood naturally brings feelings of being willing to die for your child not to end their life.

It also says that all nations will fight against Jerusalem right before Christ comes again. Zechariah 14:2 and Ezekiel 37 & 38. Have you noticed many nations ganging up on the Jews again lately?

The question is are we ready? Are we getting our houses in order? I always remember how it says when Christ comes again He will come like a "thief in the night". (1 Thessalonians 5:2) When we are off guard. Let's prepare and help those around us to know that they can prepare to and find peace in troubled times.

By the way, my painting that I tried to enter in the church art show was rejected. But I tell myself, "It's not the end of the world".

Make Known His Wonderful Works

I decided to try to enter The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints 9th International Art Competition. The theme is "Make Known His Wonderful Works". About the time I had read the theme for the competition I was looking through the pictures of a family in my ward who just had a baby. There were some beautiful pictures of their girls looking at their new baby brother. I couldn't think of anything more wonderful than the birth of a child into an family. Everyone is so anxious and excited to meet the new little member and when the moment arrives there's such a heavenly feeling as you gaze upon this new little life given to us from our Heavenly Father, straight from heaven. They are so beautiful and pure and we are instantly filled with reverence and awe for the sacredness of life. We want to do everything in our power to protect and help this fragile little one. I'm always amazed at how everything about babies calls our hearts to love and help them - their cries, their helplessness, their smiles, their funny faces and miniature fingers and toes, etc...

Each time I've given birth to my four children it has been a moment of pure bliss. My heart overflows with love and the moment we meet (even before that) I pledge an eternal promise to love, protect and help them to the best of my ability. And when my ability is lacking my heart pours out to Heavenly Father for them to make up the difference in what I lack - which happens very often.

So I decided to paint two of the sisters meeting their little brother for the first time. I really loved the peaceful, adoring look on their faces and the quiet purity of their new little brother. I know my growing ability to paint cannot completely capture what I want to express yet but again the Lord helps me make up the difference in what I lack. I pray for His help as I paint and it's a wonderful experience. There was a point where I felt like giving up because I didn't know how to fix some mistakes I made without starting over. I stopped painting, prayed and later came back and sat down and was amazed how smoothly things went as I started to paint. I know that He helped me. Painting is a wonderful way to come face to face with your weaknesses and to come to know the loyalty and love of the Lord. It's a humbling experience. I'm not saying my painting is perfect. I see many flaws. But it's better than it would have been all on my own.

Beleiving in Yourself

I guess and doubt and fear seem to be a common theme in my life. Another common theme is inconsistency. When things get kinda crazy in life it's really hard for me to keep a clear view of my goals and what I really want. I feel like I'm spinning around just trying to deal with everything around me and before I know it I've totally forgotten my goals. I'm trying to figure out a way to keep myself on track everyday so I don't feel like I have to start over all the time and really never move forward.

I've found that exercising by myself keeps my mind on track and my goals very clear. I think that's the only quiet time I have where I can think without interruptions and pray and feel motivated and energized to do what I need to do.

When someones sick or I'm not feeling well I get lost in my families lives and needs and totally forget myself and my goals and dreams. But I'm sure this is part of being a mother. For the early years of childrens lives a mother learns to sacrifice and give up her most of her wants for the needs of her family. But there's also a need for a mother to take a little bit of time for herself - to not neglect her own needs and forget that her happiness matters too. After having children it seems that all of life is trying to find the right balance between the needs of your family and your own. But I wouldn't have it any other way. Being a wife and a mother is the most rewarding thing I've ever done. The sacrifices really don't seem like a sacrifice since I receive so much more in return. When little arms are thrown around my neck and I get a loving kiss, from my two year old, on my cheek and a "wuv you" I feel my cup is running over with happiness.

I guess that's why I really want to learn to paint portraits and figures. So much of my happiness comes from the beautiful people in my life. If I could learn to capture what I feel about them and a portion of who they are I would be completely satisfied. There is so much beauty and majesty in God's children. I think when we see we only catch glimpses of how He sees us. Learning to see is the hardest thing. I think little children see most like Him because they love everyone they meet. They see the good in everyone. I think we lose that slowly as we start to have experiences that replace that love with distrust, or that confidence with fear. I think that's why we are commanded to be like little children. We need to again learn to love without fear and trust our own judgements and our hearts.

My struggle is so often to trust my own judgement and to beleive in myself. This applies to everything in life - how you live, how you love and even how you paint. So I turn to a loving Father in Heaven who believes in me and my dreams to help me believe in myself. He gives me hope and courage to keep trying and enough weaknesses to keep me humble and dependent on Him. I love Him and my Savior and know that they will help me to not lose sight of what I need to do to find the greatest happiness in life - and what you need to do. Their communication is very personal and powerful and will help us to not just change behaviors but become more than we could ever be on our own.

When I started this post I didn't know if I had anything to say. But even as I take time to write and think I learn something new from the Spirit. So I think the trick for me is to take time to slow down, whether that means walking, writing or painting. I did the above painting using Trent Gudmundsen's color pallet. I've had the picture for awhile that I took up the canyon on a beautiful fall day. I love it there.

A great night out!

Top painting is by Keith Larson from Salt Lake City, Utah
Middle painting by Michael Malm from Wellsville, Utah
Bottom painting by Trent Gudmundsen from Logan, Utah

I have to start out saying a big THANK YOU to my husband. For weeks I've been feeling torn between the art show in Park City and the mother/son night at our school. I felt guilty trying to arrange a way for my son to go to the magic show without me, but I also knew he would still enjoy it without me and we could plan an awesome night out on another night together. I almost decided to just take him and then my husband finally agreed to take him - since I reminded him I went to Dads and doughnuts one time when he couldn't go. What a wonderful man! He said the only other man there was the Principal. They had a great time :)

I got to Park City a little late. As I arrived the sun was beginning to set on the ski resorts and the blue sky with airy clouds looked glorious with the pink light on the ski runs.

It was pretty hard to find parking with all the skiiers from all around the world. I had to park at the top of Main Street and when I was over half way down to the Montgomery-Lee Gallery I saw a parking meter and realized that it was not 3 hours free parking but it was up to 3 hours paid parking. A little panicky I ran up the hill to my car, receipt in my had, praying there wasn't a ticket. Relieved by the bare windshield I put my ticket on the dash and headed back down the hill.

I hadn't thought about how much colder it would be in the higher elevation and was glad I had on my warm winter coat. I was so excited to see the art of two of my favorite figurative artist and to meet them. I had seen pictures of Trent Gudmundsen so I recognized him right away. But I didn't really know what Michael Malm looked like. A man started talking to me and I wondered if it was Michael Malm but I found out it was Keith Larson - the third artist that I didn't know much about. He was really nice and was a good artist. A woman working in the gallery asked me if I had any questions and if there was anything she could do for me. I asked her if Michael Malm was there and she brought me to him and introduced me to him and his wife. They were so kind and charming. His artwork has always amazed me.

I looked around at all the figurative and landscape paintings and felt like I was in heaven. I heard people commenting on Trents work. A woman said, "you know when you look at his paintings you feel like the people are someone you know". Her friend resonded, "I know!". I heard another woman say to Trent, "You have such a wonderful talent with light. You could hang these paintings in a dark room". I know what she meant. They seem to glow.

A couple months ago I drove by Porter's Place in Lehi at night and immediately thought of Trent and his restaurant paintings. I was struck with the thought that he has to paint this place. It's a historic place in Utah that many people love. I went in there and took some pictures and e-mailed them to him. I was delighted when he found some he wanted to paint right away. Then, there at the gallery I recognized a picture I had taken in his painting of "Porter's Place".

When I finally got a chance to meet Trent it felt like I was talking to an old friend. What a wonderful, humble and friendly person. He's the kind of guy that could never have and enemy - so down to earth. I heard someone else say, "What a great artist, and such a nice guy". He asked if I had seen the painting of Porter's Place and I said I had. I told him that one of the guys in the painting is our home teacher from church. I loved all of the paintings.

So, I had such a great evening visiting galleries and feeling inspired. It really made me want to paint more and learn more from these great artists. The figurative show will last for several weeks so you still have a chance to see it.

A Colorful Life

Tonight, March 25,2011, there's a three man show at Montomery-Lee Fine Art in Park City, Utah - 608 Main St. "Celebration of the figure" with works by Trent Gudmundsen, Mike Malm and Keith Larson. 6-9 pm.

You are guaranteed to enjoy the works of these incredible figurative artist. Maybe you've seen prints of their works or pictures of the originals, but there's nothing like seeing an original with your own eyes. The difference is like talking to someone with a webcam or face to face. I've noticed in original paintings there is life to them. You can see the strokes of the artist, you can appreciate the intermingling or colors, and you notice something new every time.

Ever since I started collecting original artwork I've had a hard time to enjoy anything else on my walls. I love the feeling that emanates from them and I can feel the unique creative spirit of the artist in my home. If you don't have an original piece of art in your home I challenge you to begin and look for one. When you find one you love, and can afford, you will never regret it and it will be something that will be a part of your home. As I grew up my parents purchased original artwork when they could and the other day I was unpacking a box at their house since they were moving, and I found a beautiful little landscape that I remember from when I was very young. I didn't realize until now that it was an original. I just liked how it made me feel.

So start tonight. The last Friday of each month is the gallery stroll in Park City. It's wonderful! You can go from gallery to gallery and see what you love. There is even refreshments. Doesn't cost a thing.

Create a more colorful life by finding a little (or big) treasure that belongs in your life. I have found something I love for as little as $5. You'll enjoy the search.

Opposition in all Things

Top painting by Trent Gudmundsen Painting on right by Laila Garza

One thing we know about life is things never go as planned. Most of us like to feel consistency in our lives and often resist change. If we really could control what happens in our lives our progression would probably be very small. We'd live in a safe little box with our limited view of what we think we need and want. But Heavenly Father has a much greater plan for us. His dreams for us are greater than we can imagine. So he mixes things up. When, in His wisdom he knows it's time for growth he gives us challenges. He stretches us. He patiently and lovingly waits for us to reach for Him when we feel all hope is gone - when life is too scary to handle alone. Picture a baby who is learning to walk. They don't beleive they can do it. It's really scary. But they get placed in a position where they have to do something. They have to try and begin to take a step and then another and when they begin to fall a loving mother or father catches them. Then what do they feel - surprised, excited, encouraged.

If things always went the way we wanted life would be pretty boring. Whenever I'm sick with the flu and I start to feel better I feel so happy and thankful for life. We don't appreciate health without sickness, or cleanliness without messiness, happiness without some misery, or life without death . A scripture in the Book of Mormon states, "For it must needs be that there is an opposition in all things" (2 Nephi 2:11) So there really is purpose in the pain of life. Heavenly Father is not unfeeling but full of love. He knows the end and all the blessings in store for us.

This even applies to painting. This week I'm sharing the things I've learned from Utah Artist Trent Gudmundsen. He said that you can't have bright color without gray or dull colors. If you apply bright color alone it won't appear as bright as if you pair it with a gray (especially a gray with it's complimentary color). So even in what we see visually God created it that way. Paintings are brighter when there's gray and life is brighter and better when there are gray days.

I know a big part of frustration in my life as a Mom is when my children fight and don't get along. I think that's why it's so sweet when I see them love eachother and be kind to eachother. I did a little painting of such a moment of my two youngest children to remind me and them to try to have more loving moments.

So don't fight the stretching and growth needed in your life. You will be surprised that you are stronger than you thought you were and you'll move forward in the great plan of progression and happiness - instead of living in a cozy and safe little box.

Welcome Spring!!!!

After a long cold winter I am celebrating the joyous arrival of Spring. For me Spring always brings with it a feeling of hope, a sense of awe at the beautiful world around me and a desire to live life fully. I suppose it's how the bears feel as they leave their caves after a long cold winter of hibernation.

My 10 year old son with autism has been planning for two months now for this day. I know he invisioned the first day of spring to be warm and cozy with an instant change from snow to flowers and sunshine. He kept seeking reassurance from me - "No coat in Spring. No Snow in Spring". I wanted to promise him these things but I tried to explain that Spring is gradual. Things change slowly. Sometimes we don't even notice until one day we wake up and realize we've arrived.

I think that the slow and gradual pace of Spring, or the growth of a garden, or a child, or progress towards whatever we are working on is meant to take time. As we accept this as a principle of life we will establish inside of us hope to see our dreams come true and we will find patience for the wait. I know so many times I've given up on a goal or a dream because I lose hope to ever attain it and can't see any progression. But, I am realizing it is wisdom to hold fast to my dreams and know that step by step, if I continue on I will see them come true.

In our fast paced society today, people want instantaneous results. Not too many people are even trying to pursue their dreams because "it's too hard". We want things easy and fast. But all things that matter take time. I tell my children that things that you feel like doing and are easy usually aren't good for us - like sitting around all day, eating junk food, and putting off homework. But things that require discipline and that we often don't feel like doing, like exercising, cleaning house, pursuing or practicing a talent we have, doing what we have to do right away, and reading scriptures really make us feel happy and fulfilled. Think of the long term effects of either choice. Becoming unhealty and unfullfilled or being happy, healthy and fulfilled.

I've been trying to learn something new every day from artists that I admire. I've learned so much from Utah artist Trent Gudmundsen. He said that it's very important to remember that there are two types of light - warm light and cool light. When light on your subject is warm, the shadows will be cool(er). When your subject is in cool light that shadows will be cool(er). I've been trying to train my eyes to see whether the light is warm or cool.

My progression in art is slow and most times imperceptible. But I'm occasionally very pleasantly surprised when I see something I did a few years ago and realize that I am really progressing. I am holding on tight and beleiving that step by step I will come closer to seeing my dreams come true.

This is the first painting I saw by Trent Gudmundsen. I loved his style and use of color. I sat there staring and thought "That's what I would like to paint like". Check out his work at



Happy Spring! Now, go chase your dreams.

Loving Fall and Trusting in the Lord

Life has been really wonderful lately. It's funny that I'm saying that but it's true. Financially it's been the hardest time we've ever been through, but the incredible experiences we've had by learning to daily trust in the Lord have actually made life peaceful and hopeful in the journey.

We've been making every effort to get out of debt. I cut up my credit card and hid my husbands and it's been almost four months now without charging a thing. Even though there's times where we wonder how we're going to make it - we do. Instead of panicking and beleiving we have to use credit, I say a prayer and wait. We've had so many experiences where we see the Lord come through for us. It makes life very exciting to know that He really is there and is taking care of us. Some day I'll go into more detail, but for example today we're out of milk, which is always the point where we almost panic. But, two nights ago a friend asked if I could babysit this morning. I realized it was just in time where we would need some more food.

It may sound scary, but I've found it to be an exciting adventure - waiting to see what comes next. Part of this test is because we decided to faithfully pay tithing even though we didn't know how we would make it. It seemed impossible. But taking that step of faith in the dark is leading to many blessings. Bob, got a second job at Costco. They had told him if he didn't hear back in a couple weeks he didn't get it. We paid our tithing and a month later he was called back for a second interview. Then a third and now he's going to be starting in a week or so.

One of my dreams is to find an original painting at a steal and sell it for more. Last week that dream came true. I was given money for my birthday and within an hour I had a gorgeous painting in my hands for the same amount. I'm hoping to sell it for much more. Heavenly Father is so good. He's waiting to bless us. We were told to expect miracles when we faithfully pay tithing.

In Malachi 3:10 after saying that we are robbing God when we don't pay our tithing (which means 10% of our income) it states, "Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it".

I know this is true. I've had a testimony of tithing my whole life. I'm so thankful to see the rest of my family gain trust in the Lord and His promises. He has so many blessings he wants to give us. I know that someday when we look back on this time in our life it will be a holy time - we will see even more clearly the hand of the Lord and how life will become better than ever by trusting in Him.

We need to focus - not fear

The other day I was feeling overwhelmed as usual. So many things I wish I was doing and so little time to get it done. I realize this feeling of divine discontent, wishing everything was perfect, is a feeling which pushes us onward and upward. But I realize I need to focus, not fear.

I also realized the things that improve our lives and move us forward are the little things done repeatedly not big moments of glory. For instance, chosing a healthy snack, flossing your teeth, making a call or sending a letter, sharing something yummy with a friend, taking a walk, saying I love you, giving a hug, painting for 15 minutes, reading scriptures for a few minutes before bed. All these things don't take a lot of effort or time but done repeatedly make a big difference.

FOCUS! Focus on what's important to you and write it down. This is what I've been lacking. I get so caught up in the whirlwind of life that I don't remember the little daily steps I need to be taking to move toward my goals - and so I don't move forward and when things slow down I realize I'm not at all where I want to be.

I went to a Releif Society Retreat (women's group) at a cabin up in the mountains of Heber and a great woman, Eileen Lindsky, spoke about the importance of having goals and working a little every day on them. Write down something you want to improve on and decide what steps it will take to get there. Mine was to clear out of my home and life clutter that I don't need. To create more order and peace at home. I started to work on it daily and because I didn't have a reminder about it totally forgot about the goal. I think I need to create a goal board to look at daily.

I'm always a little jealous at women who seem to have it all together and I always feel so disorganized. One Sunday at church I needed a diaper to change Jared and I thought I had one but I didn't. A Sister joked and said, "No diaper in the diaper bag?" and it really made me realize how unprepared and disorganized I am. I need to work on that.

The other day I was trying to can pizza sauce and do something with all the tomatoes from my garden. I was talking to my mom and told her what I was doing and about a job I was thinking of trying and she said, "Right now, just finish canning your tomatoes and then work on the other things". I said, "Spoken like a woman who knows me". She replied, "Yes and a woman who is finally starting to know herself". I'm so thankful for a wise mother who knows me and encourages me to try to slow down and FOCUS.

So try to really think about what you want to do. And remember a goal unwritten is only a wish.

Gorgeous Days!

I love this time of year with the beautiful and cooler sunny days. These are the best days that slip by too quickly. My kids are loving school. I'm loving our new days with a schedule and a need to get the children in bed at a decent time. I think I really need schedules as well. Life feels more in order. The days are shorter, but not too short. Life is simply wonderful!

I've been painting and considering baking cupcakes to sell. I wish there were three of me or that I could be in three places at one time. I'd be the full-time mother - helping kids with homework, reading, working and playing together. A full-time artist - painting en plein air in the fields of the local towns, and portraits of all my friends and family. A full time baker - baking cupcakes, cookies, breads, scandinavian desserts and selling them to friends and families in the area. Maybe in heaven there are no time limitations. Maybe there you can do everything you want. I know here I still wish I could do everything and have a real hard time narrowing down what to do in my spare hour of each day.

My Mom always tells me how I've always wanted to do too much. I have too many ideas. But I'm happy. I'm never bored! I can never understand when people say they are bored. Speaking of never being bored. The kids are coming home now. Gotta go.

Gallery Stroll in Park City

Friday night my husband an I finally got a chance to go out together. We went to the Gallery stroll in Park City. It was raining, but warm so it was great. I love going from gallery to gallery. I love Scott Richardson's art at the . I found out he had just left two minutes earlier. His demo was still wet.

At the last gallery I was excited to find the painting I showed on my blog from the Springville Spring Salon. The artist is Douglas Aagard from Pason, Utah. His work is so amazing and vibrant. I got a chance to talk to him and his wife and was so encouraged to know that the only art education he had was about a year of watercolor classes. There's hope! He encouraged me to just keep painting. I felt so excited for the rest of the night. No more excuses. If he can do it why can't I? Thanks for the inspiration Douglas.

Take a look at one of his masterpieces. You can also see the rest of his work on his website

Restoring Honor

Yesterday was Glen Beck's Rally in Washington DC. It's theme was Restoring Honor. I hope to get another chance to hear the whole thing but I love so much of what was said and was so excited to hear so much talk of inviting people to believe in Christ. I wish I could have been there.

Something that I loved that Glen Beck said was that we need to be honest in all that we do and to have charity - especially in our homes. I think our home are the most difficult place to show charity sometimes, but it's also the most important place to do it. It's were our children learn if we're just talking about charity or really showing charity. Do we really want them to do what we're doing or just what we're telling them to do?

Even the smallest child can detect a hypocryte. Do we treat them with respect? Do we help them to love themselves? Do we keep our promises to them? Do we put on a church face on Sunday and take it off the minute we come home?

I know I'm guilty of these things at times and I want to be better. I want to be a true follower of Christ - no matter what the circumstance. I want to always speak softly and lovingly. To help others see the greatness in them and to see the greatness in myself.

A sister spoke in church today and she said that all of Heavenly Father's creations were perfect. He doesn't make mistakes. He created us just the way he wanted us to be, including our weaknesses. We know from the scriptures that He gives us weaknesses so that we will turn to Him for help and He will help us make them our strengths. We need Him and He wants to help us. I'm thankful that He loves me as I am. I know he planted in all of us dreams and desires to be more, to be better, not to be satisfied with our weaknesses. This desire pushes us forward and on to better things and a happier life - that is if Satan's tools: fear, laziness, pride and discouragement don't prevent us.

Loving Art

Painting oil paintings and having a toddler can be a bit of a challenge. The other day when I used a q-tip to remove a little paint that I didn't want he grabbed his own and began is own paint removal. I leave everything out in the open and have been pretty lucky at him leaving them alone.

I'm really enjoying Jared's appreciation of my art. He's only 2 and tells me pretty and the names of the people in the paintings. That's been great but he likes my current painting I'm working on so much that he's started to give them kisses. That's very sweet, but scary since it's an oil based paint and some of the colors have a health warning. After explaining that he can't kiss a wet painting, I showed him that he can blow kisses at it. So my sweet little Jared is loving my art and I feel wonderful.

Still waiting on my camera to show you my most recent paintings.

I Love School!

This week has been very exciting! The kids met their teachers on Monday and started school on Wednesday. No more sleeping in, but the structure is worth it.

The kids were so excited to start on Wednesday. I was glad to get quite a bit done early in the morning and then Jared and I went for a walk. It was such a beautiful morning and as we were walking a guy in his truck started to back up as we were walking but then noticed us. As soon as we crossed he backed out really fast and took off. What he didn't notice was that he hit a cat - I think it may have been sleeping under his truck. It was so awful. I wanted to see if I could help the cat but then I don't even want to describe what happened. It was so horrible. I turned the stroller around so that Jared wouldn't see, but he kept turning around to see.

I finally left and went back the other way. I told some neighbors a cat was hit and they thought they knew who the owners were. I started to cry. It ruined my first day of school mood. I realized that some kids were probably coming home from their first day of school to find out their cat was killed. All day Jared kept saying, "Kitty, ouie, nightnight". I felt even worse knowing he saw that.

I wondered why did that have to happen right in front of us. If we had been there 10 seconds earlier we wouldn't have seen anything. It's almost like we were meant to be there at that moment. But why? This has disturbed me since then.

Yesterday, I decided it would be good for us to just walk the same route again and see that everything is ok. When we reached the house where it happened their dog came after me, lunging and barking. This happened one time before and he doesn't give up easily. What the heck? I wondered if there's something evil about that house. Maybe I sound superstitious, but isn't that strange. Next time I'm bringing a stick - or mace would be nice.

But last night was great. It was 98 degrees yesterday. We went over to the creek and swam in the icey water. It was wonderful! That's our place to cool off and have fun for free. We've been going there a lot this summer. Next week is going to be cooling off, so it may be our last time this summer, but I love fall even more that summer, so I'm never sad when it's over. I love cool nights and bright colorful days. I'm so thankful for seasons. I think the Heavenly Father knew we needed change and different seasons to look forward to. To me it would be depressing to live somewhere where it's always the same weather. I get really tired of sun here in Utah. I love rain and clouds. Today we'll have a great thunder storm though. That's always exciting - especially if the power goes out.
Jared walks around saying, "boom! boom!" and his mouth drops open when he hears one. We all laugh!

Have a great stormy day. I have to paint a little before Jared wakes up.

Follow My Dream

About a week ago I was out walking which gives me a little time to think and clear my head of all the noise of my life. I've been questioning for such a long time what I can do to make money. I really want to paint but with such little experience I wonder if it could ever lead to making enough money to really help us out. It seems unrealistic, but then I know other people have done it. I think about a quote that says, "Do what you love and the money will follow". Painting is what I love. Shouldn't we be doing what we love?

I just decided "that's it!" I'm just going to do what I love. I'm not going to question anymore if I'm good enough, if it's the right thing, I'm just going to follow my passion and not worry about the rest. I thought of a quote by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow that I love,

"Let us then be up and doing
With a heart for any fate;
Still achieving, still pursuing
Learn to labor and to wait".

A scripture came to my mind too, "Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men...(2 Nephi 31:20). I felt so good, so excited. I made up my mind to do it. I knew I wouldn't always feel this confident and excited so I promised to just go through the motions to do it no matter how I feel.

I love Sarah Ban Breathnach's book Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy. She says, Dreams are gifts of Spirit meant to alter us. Trust that the same Power that gifted you with your dream knows how to help you make it come true".

About a week later, yesterday, I went to a job interview and knew it was something I didn't want. I didn't want a full time job. I'm not going to work where I can't see my kids. This led to a big argument with my husband about money. I felt so discouraged and depressed. It seems like I'm just being foolish to try to sell paintings. But then I wonder why would Heavenly Father plant such a passionate dream in me if He didn't intend me to pursue it? Yes we need money now. Is there ever a good safe time to pursue your dreams? I think that's the exact thing that prevents us from going after what we want. It's not safe. It doesn't feel secure. It's plain scary! Why? Maybe the Lord wants us to trust Him in helping us make our dreams come true. And why do we hesitate to trust in the Lord? We would rather trust ourselves and our own judgement.

This morning I finished a little 5 x 7 landscape of a view up our street that I love. I feel so happy and peaceful. Whether painting makes me money or not, I need it. I feel so energized and excited when I see something that I know I want to paint. It's just a moment, but it's like magic. The light, the colors, the shapes, bring feelings of being so alive. Next time I will try to post a picture of the paintings I've done, but right now my camera is in the shop. I would love to convey what I feel in my paintings to someone else's heart. To bring them the same sense of awe that I feel in nature and in the beauty of human beings.

I would love to hear your comments and feelings on the pursuit of your dreams or on the pursuit of my dreams. Do you think it's good to be a dreamer? What about in these economic times? Please share!

Some favorite paintings

This is a painting by Sorolla. He is a new favorite artist of mine. I'd heard about him before but it wasn't until this summer that I've seen his work and it's amazing. The brightness of his colors and the warmth and light speak right to my heart.

This is how I would paint in my dreams.

The Working Woman

Remember I was talking about how I needed to make some money. Well, one Tuesday last month I went to LDS Employment and started looking for a job. It didn't look like there was much out there. I talked to a couple of the workers and I told one man I thought it would be fun to work for the census, but he said it was almost over. Then, after awhile I realized I hadn't told the woman helping me I could speak Spanish. As I was looking through a book with job listings, wondering if they were all filled anyway and I was wasting my time, the woman brought me a paper. It was a temporary position working as a Spanish Speaking Customer Service Representative. The pay was $15.78 hr. I felt excited and it seemed like this was meant for me. I went home and called and by the next day I was talking to a guy on the phone who told me they need me and asked if I could come in right away. My husband was home taking a nap with our two year old. It felt unreal as I was driving to the place - leaving all my children at home. I've been home with them for 11 years now. Hardly ever even get away from home. Now I'm planning to be gone a lot. I didn't feel very happy. My husband asked if I was nervous. I said I was just nervous to be away from the kids.

Well, I was hired and have been working for three weeks now. Today is my last day. It seems like it was meant to be since the first week my parents were here to help watch the kids and the following two weeks my husband was on vacation. I was excited to let my husband see what it's like to be a stay home mom. After three weeks I think we both have a better appreciation of eachother. The time at work seemed much easier to me than being home, but after work I felt rushed, tired and unmotivated to do all the things I felt like I needed to do.

The part that makes me both happy and sad is the other night in the night my two year old cried out, "Daddy". My husband said they've gotten really close which I'm thankful for, but I'm used to being #1. Every day when I get ready to go to work, Jared will say, "Mommy!" and motion for me to lay down with him in my bed. It's so sweet and I hate to leave. I decided that since we women spend so many days of so many years miserable because of our capacity to bear children and it's prerequisites, we go through the pains of pregnancy and birth, we nurse, we love to a degree than cannot be compared that WE deserve to be the ones to stay home while the fathers provide us with the things we need. Some may think this is old fashioned, I think it has always been and will always be the truth. Of course, I understand it's not always possible, and life isn't always fair, but if it's possible I believe God sent me my children for ME to take care of and raise, with my husband - not some stranger who you could never pay enough to love and really care for what's best for that child.

I know this isn't the end of what I'm going to have to do to help us make it, and I don't mind working, but I hope I can still figure out something that allows me to be close to home doing what I believe matters most.

My Afternoon Out

Fridays are my days to get away by myself for a little bit. I went to the Spring Salon at Springville Art Museum again. I wanted to see the paintings again before the show was over. This time I found out I could take pictures of my favorites and decided to post some of them here. There were so many beautiful paintings. This painting is by Douglas Aagard, a Utah artist from Payson.

Happy Day after the 4th

Hope everyone had a great weekend. We did! Some friends in the neighborhood invited us over and we had a nice dinner. This is the first 4th we've spent here where it was actually a little chilly.

We sat out on a friends lawn and watched Thanksgiving Points fireworks on July 3rd. It was cozy. Here in Utah the main celebrations were on Saturday since the 4th was on Sunday this year. It makes me wonder if any other states did the same.

Sunday morning, the 4th, we went to church. My husband mentioned how there was no flag in our front yard. Usually the boy scouts put a flag in every yard on national holidays. It's so nice. We we arrived at church we realized why. There were over 30 flags on the lawn around the church. It was so beautiful! It made me feel like crying. It felt so symbolic of the love I feel for my country and the love I feel for God - the two bound together make it so much more meaningful. We have so much to be thankful for to be citizens of this great country and we need to return that thanks to the giver of all our blessing - our Heavenly Father and our Savior Jesus Christ.

I was thinking of all the things I love about July - long days, sweet watermelon, swimming at the pool, getting together as a family to watch fireworks, barbeques, the smell of freshly cut grass, lavender flowers in bloom, and gorgeous sunsets. I miss the lightening bugs that we used to see this time of year in Virginia.

Hope everyone had a great weekend.

The Day After

I sat on the couch, tears flowing down, as I watched a very wise, loving, and patient mother drive away with her two young children, after a long days work at her new job. When she arrived at our house her little boy sat bare bumbed on our couch crying and angry. She lovingly and gently spoke as she said, "I know" and he knew she was the only one who really understood. She dressed him and told him he could go to the car and he walked slowly, but calmly away.

His little sis was asking, "Please, can I have a sleep over?". All she wanted was a chance to play with some girls and make some friends. All he wanted was Mom - to be home in a safe comfortable place where life makes sense. Again she lost her chance and wonders why this keeps happening. Why does she have to go somewhere new when she was really liking the place? My heart is breaking to think I caused more pain. But I really couldn't provide what he needs. Luckily his Mom can work from home, although it must be super difficult.

What an amazing mother to be so positive and strong when life is so hard. Having a child with autism can be heartbreaking. My 11 year old son and 7 year old daughter love summer and would play with friends all day if they could. I'm happy to see them have fun and make good friends, but I feel so bad for my 9 year old with autism. He spends much of the time playing by himself - which he really seems to prefer, but I want to see him making friends and being invited to play, which rarely happens, even though he's one of the sweetest souls that lives on this earth. So many people are missing out by not getting to know him. He has so much to teach them - like kindness, patience, sweetness and how to be a true friend.

But most kids won't give him a chance. I love it when they do. A neighbor boy is the first one who has begun to asks him to play. He doesn't seem to care that he doesn't talk much. They just take turns chasing eachother on their scooters. They have a great time. This is very exciting to me! He also has another friend with autism that he occasionally plays with. They just love to go to eachothers houses and are happy to be together even if they don't really play together.

Last night I went to bed feeling down and exhausted, but I woke up feeling refreshed. I enjoy watering my garden each morning and the little bit of time it gives me alone. It's a quiet place where I can see progress each day. It's amazing how quickly plants grow. I love being able to make a salad from the different lettuces I planted. I see all the little blooms and am looking forward to adding tomatoes to my salad in time. Plants are great! You take care of them and they grow -no sassing, arguing or screaming. It's a great place for a mom to escape to. It's also a great place to enjoy with your kids too. Watering often turns into water fights. The only problem is my 2 year old thinks every plant and leaf is edible. I have to watch him. Today I bought a few more plants for my garden and he pulled a leaf off a pepper plant and started to eat it.

My kids are so sweet. Yesterday, my 11 year old son looked at me and said, "I'm so sorry". My 7 year old daughter wrote me a letter that said, "You are the greatest Mom in the world. Sorry you're having such a hard day". Earlier she said, "I wish I was having a terrible day instead of you". What empathy! I adore my kids!

So life is back to normal - normal as we know it. I really love to be home with my kids. I really feel this is where I belong. So now it's time to keep praying for an opportunity to do something that will help out enough to allow me to stay here. Like any other woman I love things, but I love my family so much more. There's much we can do without. But I can't lose this precious time that I have with these kids. Time goes so fast. I can get the things later, but I can't get back this time with them. Every moment counts.